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Couples & Married, Love

7 Things to Consider Before You Get Married

by Kat Hobza


You want a rewarding and fulfilling marriage? You can have one, but you need a dose of reality first. Here are things you need to say “I do” to before walking down the aisle…

Do you have a sense of humor?
A sense of humor is vital, and the first person you have to laugh at is yourself. Consider this- men and women have to hook up on some level to propagate the species, proving God has a sense of humor. He obviously assumed we would too.

Do you know you’ll have to work? Hard?
I solicited the opinion of dozens of women for this topic, and the feedback was unanimous. You have to be willing to work. Some women think if you’re a perfect match, your marriage shouldn’t be work. Those people are called divorcees. It’s true your marriage shouldn’t be work every hour of every day, but there will be days when your marriage will require extra energy (a term I prefer over “work”). Like Grandpa used to say, anything worth having is worth working for. Welcome to Marriage 101.

Do you realize marriage is not 50/50?
Gotcha! You figure you’ll give half, he’ll give half and you’ll meet somewhere in the middle. You poor, poor dear. The reality is, there will be some days you’ll give 90% and you may or may not get 10% back. There may be weeks or months that pass with the scales out of whack. Remember- you committed your whole life to him, and in your lifetime the scales will shift back in your favor. Interestingly, the scales will align faster if you abandon the scorecard and self-pity.

Do you have a general acceptance of your significant other’s shortcomings?
Does he leave the toilet seat up? Get over it. Are his table manners a fright? Look the other way. Is he a tight-wad? You better be at one with strict budgets. Try seeing your new hubby’s annoying habits as endearing. In addition to his positive traits, his quirks make him who he is. Figure out a way to truly accept the whole package- the good, the bad and the ugly.

Do you have expectations of your marriage or soon-to-be-spouse?
If you said “I do” to this one, start goggling divorce attorneys now. Fundamental expectations like being treated well, being faithful, or being honest are covered by your wedding vows. If you want a long lasting marriage, let go of any romance novel or Lifetime movie expectations you have. The men in Hollywood are actors. Real men, generally speaking, are not geared for romance and eloquent, loving speeches. With this attitude, you’ll better enjoy the thoughtful little things your new husband does. Lowered expectations and happily ever after go hand in hand.

Do you know comparisons are a death sentence for marriages?
Like fingerprints, marriages are unique and specific to the two individuals involved and the one-of-a-kind bond they create. Instead of scowling at your husband when your friend brags about the romantic vacation her husband took her on, just smile. Maybe your friend left out how her husband ogled other women on the beach or said something at dinner that made her cry. You never know what goes on behind closed doors- be secure in what you and your husband share and the knowledge that it works for you.

Do you know your fiancé is bilingual?
Read a couple books about how men communicate or have a sit-down with your aunts and grandma. We think we grasp the Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus concept, but we don’t. He may not say “I love you” 14 times a day, but he might fill your car when it’s out of gas, maybe he’ll cover you with a blanket when you’re cold, he may bring you a glass of wine when you’re in the tub, or he might listen to stories about the kids when he just wants to crawl in a hole and go to sleep. You have to learn to read, understand and appreciate man-speak.

In order for a marriage to be successful, reality can’t be sugar-coated. Long term commitments are not for the faint of heart. A lasting union takes a great deal of love, patience, true grit and guts. The benefits are countless. I’ll leave you to discover those on your own.

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Reader Comments:

128 Responses to “7 Things to Consider Before You Get Married”

  1. Sarah says:

    this is soooo true… so does this mean that my boyfriend and i are ready for marriage!!! it’d be lovely if he proposed… we love each other :)

  2. Peter says:


  3. Cristina says:

    Oh so true. He may not be as romantic as when we date or sometimes we really have to talk our way through problems, but I know for sure neither of us would ever cheat on one another.

    Been living together for over 6 yrs and married for almost 2. Didn’t even read such an article b4 I got married but haven’t warn the “pink glasses” either.

  4. Amanda says:

    Now those are words to live (and love) by.

  5. Realy i see love as a scale of balance between
    two cuple it depend where it wieght to for access of the love for two cuples reality can be sugercoated communication,understanding and patience has a lot to do in love,a lasting

  6. Brooke Lawrence says:

    This article is kinda funny but actually pretty right on. You’re the only one I know that’s getting married soon so I thought I’d share it with you!!
    Hope all is well!

  7. Shaun says:

    THought you may want to see this honey!
    I agree with it.
    Guess we can get married now.

  8. Terry- Ann says:

    I so much enjoy this article. It really helped in giving me a clearer picture on my expectations. Thank you so much , I am looking forward to changes in my relationship and accept him and appreciate him and the little things he say and do.

  9. Heather says:

    I really wish I had known this stuff before I get married. I would have been so much happier so much sooner.

  10. gail says:

    i like this article…thumbsssss up on this one..

  11. jaja says:

    i love this…i really learned from this=)

  12. prakki says:

    Its sooo damm true,thaks for giving such a wonderful article that made alot of things clear………..

  13. I am happy I am not married yet

  14. Julie says:

    Good things to consider
    This makes me and my man a perfect match for each other

  15. Haggai says:

    Am very greatful to God for this site, can I Post my question to you.

  16. Kally Nice says:

    This is great! My wife must read it too. I know it will gladden her heart.
    Thank you so much for putting it up.

  17. Amin Ahmad Chaudhury, Ph.D says:

    How nice it would be if the girls would go with these !

  18. ZHR says:

    Thank u so much for these nice advices and guidance

  19. lorrie says:

    Thanks for reminding me of what I have in my husband. I needed this after 22yrs. I will pass this on to other women.

  20. Sandi says:

    I have been married 2 times brofe, I have made all the mistakes listed above, and have learned so many valuable lessons. Dont be scared to say what you think, act how you feel, and most of all set the rules from the beginning. dont try to be the person you think he wants you to be, because in the end you will be so unhappy and un fufilled. I have met my forever love and we are honest to a fault with each other. I that person is really your forever person he will love you for you.

  21. kay2 says:

    really interesting

  22. Honey Rose says:

    Wow.Thanks for the tips.I can now readily accept to give into my sweet boyfriend.

  23. djh says:

    thank God someone Finaly had the courage to tell the truth about relationships without worring about how many books can be sold

  24. marj says:

    this is such a very nice article..sort of really makes me appreciate my man more..and this really helps..a lot…excellent!

  25. Tamara says:

    This is a great article. My fiancee and I are getting married in September. If you guys want to read a good book on marriage, read Every Woman’s Marriage and Every Man’s Marriage. They are Christian books that helps you understand your spouse.

  26. Pinball Nesh says:

    I enjoyed this article and wish to be getting more and more of this everyday. it is wow! Thanks a lot!

  27. Bukenya says:

    Really in marriage it needs faithful, this is great, i would think all girls could to read this.

  28. Nana says:

    this is very good to hear, glad i got to know this before getting married.Will do me a alot of help…

  29. alberta says:

    this is really true and must say am going to stick by it and i know its gonna help me a lot. girls this is a must read.

  30. tina says:

    great!i just realised marriage is not abt 50/50.it really made alot of things clear.

  31. diana peace says:

    this is a very good lessonfor me.please send me more ofthese.am very grateful.

  32. olaniyi o says:

    yes this a reality

  33. uwatse Tuoyo says:

    Thank God becos am on my way to say I do Igain alort and I believe this will go along way to help my Home stand.

  34. max says:

    this is totally true. i am not in a relationship right now but i have heard and seen enough to know that what you are saying is totally true.

  35. Butterfly says:

    Thank you!
    Yes, I’m not ready to get married. Is been a year long that I thought that I’m ready to get married. Little does I know that I’m actually pressuring my boyfriend to propose to me. Now, I understand that reality can’t be sugar-coated. When the time is right; it’s right! I’m not ready but I’m aware now

  36. Portia Nkani says:

    Wow!!! Thats lovely and true indeed…That really made me think again.

  37. nancy says:

    this is nice!!i wish all ladies wld red this.it is very wise for any woman to try and understand their mens pshycology so as to have a mutual relationship.
    am in a relationship and we really love each other simply because we have allowed ourselves to understand each other

  38. Julius says:

    Before commiting for life, know that a man worries about his future when he marries but a woman worries about the future til she gets married. Im married but dudes and chiks take your time…….

  39. Oluyemisi says:

    This is really great, I courted my husband for 10 years before we actually married, we are now married for two years now and both determined to make things worked out fine, this reality is very helpful to me amd my husband…….

  40. Princewell says:

    Thanks for these nice advices and guidance, it’s good.

  41. shirley mopako says:

    these is so true i think we should rely on lovingyou.com i think we should learn more from it.thank you so much

  42. nyambu says:

    i have a very goood friend who i always feel free 2 tel and share anything. we got pretty much close and therefore feel i nid 2 get married. i have been a pressure 2 him propose 2 me not thinking about his opinions. now am glad i read this coz it will help me understand him more. kudos!

  43. Evangeline says:

    I used to expect more from my guy, bt i realised marriage isn’t 50/50.
    Tnx a lot for the awareness.

  44. Gold Ene says:

    That is absolutely necessary,infact a bedrock to a successful marriage!!

  45. chilla says:

    Thanks a lot it is really important to me

  46. ohenewa says:

    verygood….i think with this am ready to get married to him.

  47. Arubi says:

    its a good article for people like me. i really love it and will put itr to practice.

  48. Nelson says:

    Thanks alot it really touched me though not in a relationship now.

  49. Waylon says:

    Great info. Many people compare their spouse’s worse aspects to best aspects of another spouse in another marriage. Wake up. No marriage is perfect, but it can be very close if you’re willing to make it perfect in your eyes.

  50. V says:

    This makes me feel that marriage is not for me in my life. I can’t go along with all of these “rules”.

  51. saba says:

    im divorced. he was the wrong guy and i was not the right gurl for him. you are just so very righ,the guy may get you the world yet not love or respect. marriage is a beautiful relationship, that’s one thing i wish i’d realized earlier. then i would ve fought even more to get away from that guy.

  52. seun says:


  53. Betty says:


  54. Lisa says:

    I love the last part the best…your partner is bilingual!!

  55. jonnysgirl says:

    I MOST certainly agree with you must accept the whole package-the good, the bad and the ugly. That is SO true!!!

  56. jonnysgirl says:

    I most certainly agree with you must accept the good,bad & the ugly. This is SO true!!!!!!!!

  57. jacob paris says:

    Thats all true, I have realised love needs patiance, overlooking and selflessness.

  58. scott odudu says:

    Actually,its a good one.Please keep it up!Certainly,marriage its not for the feeble minded ones,rather it is for the great minded one.And great minds are for ideas,thats why i agree with your concept of marriage…

  59. Basan says:

    wow, i found this article very useful, thank you for posting it…

  60. Aria says:

    thank God I’m dating a guy who’s not romantic. We’re realistic and we’re happy. Marriage is not all about 24-hour-in-romanticism, it’s a reality. My friends had divorced only because they think “my husband is not romantic anymore after we’re married”. If you’re expecting a full romanticism in marriage, you’re WRONG.

  61. ollie says:

    I feel that this is harsh reality check for anyone wanting to get married
    dont do it, it is a trap!
    why should you live a life with lowered expectations… unless you are sadistic

  62. anglefisher says:

    i agree with the first poster. not for me :)

  63. remi says:

    too true, endurance and patient sustains marraige

  64. remi says:

    too true, endurance and patient sustains marriage

  65. K says:

    The trick is finding the person who will also read these rules and laugh with you at them. We’re celebrating our 4th anniversary this week, and I do agree with some of these, except for the “lowered expectations and happily ever after go hand in hand…” Why would you marry someone who wasn’t what you really wanted in a spouse? And frightful table manners? I’m not going to look the other way, I would tell him outright. We adopted a policy of complete honesty, and it improved everything SO much. The good or the bad, I would rather hear it! Keeping your mouth shut just builds resentment. Be honest, LISTEN, and have a sense of humour. There will be times where you WILL have to give 90%- my husband needed surgery, and I had to take over all the household chores. But when I’m sick he takes them all over. It should be balanced when its all said and done. I’m not a maid, and my husband isn’t either. My husband is my best friend, and I treat him as such.

  66. max says:

    weldone. a great piece just wish many married and intending couples get this sweet insight because marriage is a reward, a precious gift

  67. K says:

    Marriage is great!!! I love being married :)

  68. B says:

    I agree that love is patience but not endurance at all times because we are ment to enjoy our marriages and men should know when their spouse is in pain, because there are some who behave as if their spouse is a fool for bein patient and enduring, intead of making her happy, they continue their wrongs even after several complaints. What do you call that? love or hatred.

  69. loutariro says:

    This is so true. And hope i can remember it when i get married thank you so much!

  70. chizy says:

    i love this…marriage or a long-term relationship is definitely no child’s play…itz for matured minds who are willing to give of themselves for better or for worse…keep it up!

  71. Jamie says:

    I agree with some of these items but no one who is head-over-heels should feel like they are settling, especially in marriage. I really can’t stand hearing people talk down on the most beautiful bond that exists. Marriage is not that hard people! When God is the center of you marriage, it can’t go wrongs. So, live, learn, but above all just love each other and you will be amazed at how happy you are!

  72. Jamie says:

    I agree with most of this but disagree with the negative bits in the list. If you want a true list of things to consider before marriage, see Corinthians in the Bible. Romance is a necessary part of making each other feel loved and being in any relationship, especially an eternal one. Marriage can and should be sugar coated; it should also be held in the highest regard- it is a Holy union.

  73. Jeevan says:

    If you got too much expectations then marriage is not the best thing for you. It’s all give and take. Most of the times it’ll be giving. That’s life.

  74. nese says:

    i am supposed to get married next month, and my fiance and i were both change our mind that were going to extend the time, even we have a baby right now, and now that i read this article seems it’s not easy to get in, in a marriage life…. need to think and discover all the things behind my fiance or shall we say both of us… i love this site you know..keep up the good work..lovingyou.

  75. Micah says:

    I find this article to be extremely repulsive. I understand that tolerance and acceptance are main keys in a relationship, but this article makes it seem as though the guy is always at fault. It implies that the husband is the only one in the relationship that will have shortcomings and the woman should just look the other way. It has nothing to do with the sex of the partner, it has to do with the personality of each individual. There are extremely romantic men out there, and there are women that want nothing to do with anything romantic. A fulfilling marriage will not be achieved by placing blame on one party, and giving the other party an air of arrogance by insisting on perfection and the fact that they give more. I don’t believe that one can honestly learn anything about a fulfilling relationship from an article that automatically groups individuals according to gender and preconceived notions of how each will act.

  76. Joy says:

    Its true…keep it up!!!

  77. windhy says:

    i’ll try my best 2 b his wife..

  78. anonomyous says:

    I wish I would have had somthing like this before I got married, I love my husband very much, but we keep having the same issues over and over, we have been together for years, he says I have no respect for him, I guess in some areas he is right, but not in all, but then again I don’t think he respects me ethier and that is a big part of marriage.

  79. James Wifey says:

    That’s true. I have my ups and downs but a relationship is not perfect. Ima keep going with my marriage.

  80. Laurie says:

    Excellent article! So true! I’m divorced and the 7 things are right on… it’s nice to think you’ll have “fire” for the rest of your lives, but the reality is, we all change, and we’re all human. And regardless… we need to love our mate unconditionally.

  81. mkj says:

    great article! marriage is an institution where no one graduate. both the wife and husband keep learning day in day out about each other. strong commitment from both parties is a recepi for a successfull marriage.

  82. tasha says:

    i am getting married soon and this has opened my eyes to a lot of positive things.keep up the good work

  83. cisca says:

    this is a good recipe for a marriage :)

  84. shadoe says:

    i liked reading this info it was very much pointed to thr female sex, is no one willing to tell guys what to do? im a 17 yeah old male who wants to one day marrie the love of my life, she completes me, she know what im thinking she knows when im happy or sad and i know the same for her. i want to have kids with her but i dislike the idea of “setteling down”. ill be reading this info to my girlfriend later becase it interests me.thank you for this information, it helped me think about our relationship. i still want to marrie her (even more then b4 i seen this). if any one has ANYTHING to say to me i can be reached at shadoe.lake@yahoo.com

  85. Theresa says:

    Really felt happy when I read this. These things are really true and since i will soon be getting married, I will use these tips in order to enjoy the most of my marraige. Thanks for this message.

  86. palash says:

    it is right

  87. sallu says:

    i hav been married for over a year n feel every word written in the article is so true

  88. T in GA says:

    I was married for 22 years, got divorced and am engaged to be married again. I wish I had read this article waaaayyy back then. But cie la vie (such is life.) I am now older and wiser and am going into my next marriage with my eyes open and my heart ready to commit to this man forever. It takes 2 to make or break a marriage. We are both commited to making it last!!!

  89. SarahRachel says:

    I think just about everyone who IS married or has been married would have to agree and probably laugh along with this article. We just celebrated 7 years together. I was only 21 when we got married and did NOT get the concept of marriage vs. dating and how different the two are. I was MISERABLE for the first two years and each year after that got better. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been now, but it’s been a LONG process and I know it’s going to require LOTS more work.



  91. Антон says:

    Отличная идея, но надо бы подумать о рекламе на сайте. По-моему ее слишком много :) Хотя, конечно – это не мое дело :)

  92. ogechi says:

    this is reality,i like the 50/50 part,marriage is abt becoming one.been patient selfless,nderstanding and hardworking,it’s no child’s play

  93. DEVA says:


  94. Ric Rocker says:

    Rocker says,
    ive had numerous fiancees and almost wifeys,
    and i can tell ya, its true, u cannot
    think relationships are sugarcoated fake.
    They will be them, u will be u,
    accept each other as u are—imperfect.
    NOT argue over everything
    pick your battles carefully.
    BE EXTREMELY CAREFUL with the money.
    Dont let her go crazy with power
    over your money. ALWAYS KEEP SEPERATE
    of u will need a job to pay the bills
    /unless one of u is a billionaire./
    TALKING is critical to working out
    SOME problems, YET Actions speak louder
    than words, so dont forget to
    have sex often whether u are or not
    in the mood, jus let it happen
    and use condoms if u dont want
    pregnancy/making kids.
    YOU would be surprised how much
    can be resolved with some
    sexual healing.
    sometimes u jus need each other.
    Other times u jus need to spend
    time being romantic close hanging together.
    jus rememeber that not always will they be happy, and U WILL NEED TO HANDLE DAMAGE CONTROL SITUATIONS, be careful and prepared
    to handle that. Remember if terrible mistakes happen too often, thats not a coincidence,
    its a BAD HABIT. So if they cheat on u more than once, its not a coincidence, ITS A BAD HABIT AND NEED TO BE HANDLED IMMEDIATELY.
    Always know where u stand in a relationship
    on solid foundation relationship or brittle dust. if they arent serious about longterm commitment, u shouldnt be either and breakup with them quickly. FIND SOMEONE WORTH YOUR TIME WHOM WILL VALUE YOU. Dont waste time on someone whom will jus use u for fun.
    and remember try to notice if BOTH of u are on the same page of longterm commitment, and
    dont tolerate compulsive liars nor cheaters
    in a serious relationship.

  95. Shelly says:

    wow… and I used to take the romance issue so personally. Guess I should lighten up on that! Thanks!

  96. Jackie says:

    This was great! I am about to get married and this really opened up my mind to see who he truly is.

  97. Samantha says:

    wow!! i’ve been dreaming about marriage since i met my boyfriend and although he doesn’t want to tie the knot soon, i really want to. after reading this its making me wonder. i dont know what to even think. i wanna do things right and celebrate our lives together by getting married. but my boyfriend is worried about our financial situation. i know it is a concern, but not a grave one. a few weeks back i gave him the cold shoulder and hardly spoke to him. i cried everyday. i couldn’t even speak to him heart to heart. i felt like if he is not ready for marriage then it’s probably already over between us. we ok now, but it still is in the back of my mind. i havent spoken to him though, we’ve been so busy working. help please… i wanna save this 2 and a half year relationship.

  98. Sarah says:

    Marriage is hard work-yes. But sometimes I feel that as singles thats all we ever hear. We never hear about what a wonderful blessing it is, and how great it is to finally find someone to share our lives with. I’ve never read a list called “Top Ten Reasons why we love being married”, its always “Top Ten Reasons why being single is better than being married.” I believe marriage (like food and water) is a neccesity in life. We don’t tell people who lack food and water “You have the gift of hunger” or “You have the gift of thirst” or “food sucks, it makes you get fat and pulls you away from God, be happy without it!”. So why do we tell people who are buring in lust that they have the “gift of singlehood”? I am content in my singlehood not because I feel that I have been given “a gift” but because the bible says to be content in ALL circumstances good and bad.

  99. R says:

    HAHA My boyfriend is bilingual (and so am I). So when I read the last subheading, I answered in my head, “Yes…what?!”

  100. Wilfred Bol says:

    I badly need the tips that could make the marriage last long and tend to be enjoying life to its fullness. Similarly, I really long to witness the true love in marriage as results, it requires me to get acquainted as well.

  101. licks says:

    pls tell me how to keep your guy close to you

  102. Jade says:

    I really like this. It made me realized a lot of things.

  103. This is a great article, lovely to read. To the others reading this I really suggest you watch ‘Serpendipity’. Really brings back the ‘love’

  104. showunmi basirat says:

    i realy like this article i want u to be sending articles on marriage to my email address

  105. Rinalyn says:

    I really like this article. Send me an articles like this to my email add.

  106. anna says:

    i love what i read here but im still not sure if im really ready for getting married

  107. Dee says:

    This article, along with many similar others I’ve read today, have made me realize that I want to marry the man I am with for the rest of my life.

  108. Azed sokoya says:

    This is a luvly & interesting article.i luv it.

  109. i would like to kn that fact, which i have to kn before getting into marriage, let me kn what it takes to make it

  110. Blessing says:

    I like this article and i want article of marriage to my mailbox.

  111. kic says:

    i lve dis article pls i wont it in my mail.

  112. Martha says:

    OMG this is great
    thank you so much for the tips

  113. This is great!!!!if only all couples were reading this stuff! its true, its real and represent what happens in marriage.

  114. Henrysbaby says:

    This is a great article, and so true! My husband and I are newly weds, but I thought I would peek around this article (I’m new to the site). These are great tips!!! Even though we’ve only been married a few months its easy to lose track of the things said here!

  115. Tina says:

    I don’t like the “expectations” point…while I agree you shouldn’t expect your man to bring you roses every day and ramble on about how beautiful you are, you certainly should have SOME expectations. Having no expectations also sets you up for failure.

  116. Nayni says:

    I think world’s most intelligent people will follow the same and soon I m goona be in those for sure.

  117. Lulu says:

    I think it is important to see that nothing in life is going to be perfect but having low expectations and puting up with less then you think you deserve is not fair. Marriage should make you happy. Being in love should make all the things you feel annoyed about less annoying. But in the end, the one you choose to spend the rest of your life with should be someone who does live up to your desires and needs.

  118. whitney says:

    the good the bad and the ugly, does that include bad hygene? like going weeks days without bathing? i love him but thats rough

  119. jisele says:

    thank u for these tips i am enged and i will be or me cuz geting married in dec and these is good for me cuz my honey is not the love love type but when i am cold he gives me his jacket and when i am aslepp and i drool he wips it off to me that is ture love

  120. Morgan says:

    This is wonderful and inspiring. I have a tendancy to compare my boyfriend to those darn romance movies..I was a hopeless romantic. It has taken me awhile but I’v finally realized that the little things are really what you need to appreciate and he loves me for everything I am :)

  121. tina says:

    well heres my situtation me & ol’man has been 2-gether 4 22 yrs. we have 3 kids 2-gether he’s been in jail more than half r relationship we got lots of bad history should we we get married now or not?

  122. Frank Garrity says:

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  123. Des says:

    Me and my fiancé have been together for two years and have lived together for one and a half of those years we also have a two year old son together and we already do all of these things. It’s happy to know that we are ready for marriage for the most part.

  124. Sammy says:

    Its one of the very well composed articles I ever read, just the real thing to be learnt from.

  125. Kae says:

    My fiancé and I are getting married in a little under 7 months from now and reading this gave me more to think about before we get married. I already knew most of this but I love the details that are given. I’m so excited to get married and I know it’s going to be hard, especially because he’s in the Army and is going to be deployed a couple months if that after our wedding. But I say ‘bring it on’.

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