by Aly Walansky
You know how life goes… When you’re young and in love, I think that you believe that things will stay romantic and sexy forever. Then, I hear, you get married, and it all ends.
Obviously, I know not what I am talking about – I have never been married, but I recently chatted with Ginger Ema, author of Back on Top: Fearless Dating After Divorce (Globe Pequot Press, May 2009), and it’s shed a whole new light on the concept.
“I don’t think you ever believe you will stop being romantic and sensual with your husband. When I was walking down the aisle, I didn’t even consider the bad stuff. I was thinking: This is the best day of my life, this is the man of my dreams, I’m sure I can change him,” Ginger chuckles.
However, Ginger relates that long before her marriage officially ended, she and her husband were having intimacy issues. “Naturally, after my divorce, I wondered if anyone would find me desirable again!” We women worry about getting naked again; feeling vulnerable and wondering whether or not we are pretty enough, sexy enough, smart enough.
Ginger tried an unusual cure: She went to see a sensual massage therapist, who worked with her for several hours, guiding her through visualization techniques, helping to raise her level of self-awareness and optimism by using the sense of touch.
“It was an astounding experience – I laughed, I cried, and I was eternally grateful that someone did this for a living,” Ginger says, who says that for women like her, it’s an amazing tool to learn to open up again.
It’s for finding this inner sensuality (anew) that Ginger leads Fearless Dating workshops, where she talks about releasing that sensuality. “Little things like putting on sexy under things (and giving up the “granny panties”); trimming and pampering yourself a little; learning to flirt again – try it on waiters and mechanics and maybe your dentist (avoid co-workers and married men, however!).
Nothing helps you feel sexier that moving your body – Ginger says she loves salsa classes, kickboxing and pilates. “You’ll sweat! You’ll laugh! You’ll lose a few pounds! You’ll have a healthy glow and people will wonder what you’ve been up to. Let ‘em wonder!”