By Aly Walansky
What’s happened to today’s man?
Why are women so frustrated with today’s sensitive guys?
Why is it that when a man takes a woman out on a date — he can’t even decide where to go for a cup of coffee?
What is going on with men — that women initiate most divorces?
The reason: Today’s men don’t act like men.
In these times — men need to learn to be men
He’s sensitive and tries hard to please the woman in his life, but when there’s a problem that needs to be dealt with, he seems oblivious. When she asks for input on a decision, he says, “It’s up to you.” He wants to be nice but doesn’t understand why he’s frustrating her. He doesn’t understand she wants a strong man.
Elliott Katz understands why women today complain about the lack of quality men. “Today’s men have received so many confusing messages on what a man should be, they’re bewildered.”
“To avoid accusations of being controlling, many men have gone to the other extreme and avoid showing leadership and making decisions. The irony is that while men think they’re being sensitive and non-controlling, the biggest complaint I hear from women is that men today don’t show leadership, they don’t make decisions and they won’t take responsibility,’” says Katz, whose book Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants: Timeless wisdom on being a man is being translated into 18 languages in Asia, Europe and Latin America.
A recent study by Washington-based Pew Research Center reported that in 43 per cent of couples, women make more decisions in the four areas surveyed: planning weekend activities, household finances, major home purchases and TV watching.
After his own journey seeking insight on being a man, Katz found wise advice in the lessons that fathers and other older men taught younger men on how to be the strong women love.
One of women’s biggest complaints is that men don’t show their share of leadership in the relationship. When a man sees a situation that needs to be dealt with, he should step forward and handle it. People admire those who step forward to handle difficult situations – and don’t wait for others to solve the problem.
To avoid accusations of being controlling, a lot of men have gone to the other extreme – they leave most decisions to their wives. A man needs to make his share of decisions and take responsibility for the outcome. To many women, a man who avoids decisions is shirking his responsibilities. One of the meanings of the word “manly” is being decisive.
Take responsibility for improving the situation. Don’t blame others. There is little sympathy for a man who blames a woman – even when he thinks she pushed him into it. People will say, “You’re the man. Why did you let it go on?” One of the meanings of the word “husband” is someone who skillfully manages his household. Managers take responsibility.
“Divorced women have said that if their husbands had understood these crucial truths, their marriages would not have disintegrated,” Katz says. He also shares tips for women on encouraging men to take the lead:
Let him decide
If he asks you to make a decision, such as choosing a restaurant, simply say: “You decide.” Then don’t say anything else.
“Would you please handle it?”
Ask him to take charge of handling a problem, but don’t tell him what to do. If he asks, say: “You decide. If you’re not sure, do research. That’s what I do.” Avoid contradicting him unless what he wants to do is damaging.
Tell him he made a good decision and how you appreciate when he takes charge and handles a problem. If he made a mistake, tell him what you learned from it.
Women give the book to men and say, “This is what I have been trying to tell you all this time.” The most common question Katz receives from women is: “How do I get him to read it?”