by Melissa Chapman
As a busy woman, maybe you haven’t been feeling all that sexy lately. And really who could blame you? Juggling work and household responsibilities, perhaps even motherhood, can start to drag down your libido.
You’re having a difficult time summoning up your mojo in the bedroom and as a result your sex life has taken a real beating. Well, we have some advice to help you get back on track!
According to Dr. Laura Berman, sex expert and author of The Book of Love, trying to shed their everyday roles of mother, employee, employer, housekeeper, carpool driver, etc and step into a more connected relationship with their partner is a common challenge that most women face. If sex seems more like a chore than something to look forward to, know that you are not alone.
Don’t confuse low libido with arousal difficulties. Many women often confuse low libido with arousal difficulties and may try some of the wrong treatments, especially if they don’t consult a doctor first. Dr. Berman says it’s important for women to keep these things in mind:
Arousal occurs when the body and the mind respond to physical or psychological stimulation. For example, you might become aroused by looking at a revealing photograph of a sexy actor, or you might become aroused when your partner gives you a deep and erotic kiss.
Arousal is a key part of your sexual response. When you are aroused (whether through mental or physical stimulation), your body responds almost immediately. Your heartbeat increases, your face flushes and your genitals become engorged with blood.
As a result of arousal, feelings of warmth and tingling occur in your genitals and natural lubrication occurs. These are all part of sexual response.
If you are one of those women having a difficult time reaching a state of arousal, don’t panic!
“This could be because of lifestyle factors – such as stress (will the baby wake up?), inhibitions, relationship issues, exhaustion – or it could be a result of hormonal imbalances, ” says Dr. Berman. “Whatever the reason, not dealing with low arousal can be devastating. Some women find that they completely avoid sexual activity, even though their libido (their sexual desire) is still intact.”
Check out these tips to help you get your mojo back
According to Dr. Joni Frater and Esther Lastique, co-authors of Love Her Right: The Married Man’s Guide to Lesbian Secrets For Great Sex!, getting your mojo back isn’t hard, it’s just about helping your man (and yourself) understand how women work.
“According to the first sexologists, a 3,000 year-old branch of Chinese Medicine known as the Taoist philosophy, women are more yin – more like water – and men are more yang- like fire, ” says Dr. Joni and Ms. Lastique. “That means that while men are quick to light and quick to extinguish, women take longer to be brought to a boil, and they last longer once aroused.”
Start North and head South: Men have to embrace the fact that women get turned on from North to South. Dr. Frater and Ms. Lastique suggest that men can help their women by starting with her head. Women need to feel loved, appreciated, and sexually desirable or their parts will be less inclined to perform at maximum capacity for her.
Think sexy: Women can also assist in this process by thinking sexy thoughts and wearing comfortable, sexy lingerie under her clothes all day. Doing this can help be a little reminder, to a woman, that she is a desirable and sexual being.
Commit to couple time at least 10 minutes a day. Dr. Frater and Ms. Lastique call it the magic 10 minutes, where you only discuss topics that do not cause stress . Use those 10 minutes to talk about a hobby you want to start, a language you want to learn, a vacation you want to take and things you can do together even if they are fantasy.
Do this with no interruptions - no phones, no TV, no kids. And the best part? Once a week, your topic has to be your sex life; what’s working for you? What haven’t you done in a while and would like to, what did you see in a movie and want to try.
“Talking about your sex life in a non-sexual situation takes the threat out of it and makes the subject more approachable, without putting either of you on the defensive,” says Dr. Frater and Ms. Lastique. “The most important thing you can do is change up your routine whether it’s initiating sex at a different time of day than usual, being sexual in a room other than the bedroom and of course incorporating things that turn each of you on.”