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Posts Tagged ‘facebook’

5 Pitfalls to Avoid When Facebook Stalking Your New Man

Monday, June 6th, 2011

By Aly Walansky

Social media is no joke — you can achieve a great deal of research and make incredible findings. And, by findings, we clearly mean stalking the man you just started dating. Does this sound like you?

I interviewed Daily News gossip columnist, star of MTV’s Downtown Girls, and current Star magazine contributor Shallon Lester, author of  EXES AND OHS: A Downtown Girl’s (Mostly Awkward) Tales of Love, Lust, Revenge, and a Little Facebook Stalking, which comes out this week. She had some great tips to make sure we find what we need — and don’t get caught!

1. Don’t learn more than you can keep secret: “A first date I once went on was a disaster because I kept finishing his sentences—I was incapable of hiding the fact that I already knew where he studied abroad and which NCAA team was his favorite,” says Lester. If you’ve got loose lips, don’t sink your own ship by stuffing yourself to the gills with information. Stop stalking after you verify that he’s not deformed/a pedophile.

2. Do NOT friend him first. You gotta let a man be a man and this means letting him chase you. Remember, the woman receives. Nature designed us this way. Let this incredibly vulgar image be a guiding metaphor for you.

3. Look, but don’t poke: Even if he does friend you first, that does not give you license to do any of the following: poke him, friend his grandma, write daily messages on his wall, or “like” his status updates.  He’ll realize that you’re trying to stake your public claim on him and he won’t like it. :

4. Don’t judge him by his pictures: “Unlike me, most dudes I date don’t spend hours posing in front of the mirror to figure out their perfect picture look,” says Lester. Nor do men have the advantage of Spanx, makeup, or friends who will tell them not to post that on Facebook because they look like a goblin. Cut him some slack and wait to evaluate his looks in person.

5. Do take an objective look at your own profile: “After every stalking session, I stalk myself. I try to analyze my own profile through his  eyes,” Lester advises. How else would I have caught glaring red flags like me being a fan of Sarah Palin (he won’t know that’s a joke) or listing Fall Out Boy as my favorite band (he won’t don’t know that isn’t a joke). Shore up your own page by deleting some info. Remember, he’s gotta WORK to get to know you.

New App Replaces Breakup Notifier

Thursday, March 3rd, 2011

by Stephanie G.

After the kibosh was put on Facebook’s Breakup Notifier app last week, a new app rose in its place- and promises to help you do the same.

After the popularity of Breakup Notifier caused Facebook to pull the app from its virtual shelves, they’ve allowed a new app to surface in its wake: WaitingRoom.

Even more inappropriate and intrusive than Breakup Notifier, the WaitingRoom app allows you to not only receive notification when your crush’s relationship has ended; it also gives your crush the heads up that someone (or a few someones) is waiting in agony for a breakup to rear its ugly head.

The person in the “waiting room” remains anonymous, so the person who is maybe a little unhappy or insecure about their relationship has no idea who’s waiting for them. I can imagine the idea is enticing and can result in a bit of a dangerous situation if used against you somehow. Say, your best friend hates your girlfriend and stages a WaitingRoom intervention, in which case you suddenly have thirty anonymous people vested in the death of your relationship. That sudden attention would probably make your friend’s subtle digs at your girlfriend easier to swallow. Suddenly, you’re questioning your entire relationship because someone else seemingly wants you and your friends know what they’re talking about, right? And this is one of many ways that WaitingRoom can decidedly destroy an otherwise healthy relationship.

Dating is hard enough, is it not? Do we need apps that propagate even more drama?

[via Daily News]

Stephanie is a NYC lifer who enjoys new-age dating, sharp-dressed men, and occasionally acting as big spoon. Follow her on Twitter!

And Just Like That, Facebook’s Breakup App Is No More

Thursday, February 24th, 2011

by Stephanie G.

Earlier this week, Facebook released their Breakup Notifier app; which was set to notify you about every break-up and make-up your stalkery little heart cared to know about. You’d make a list of friends whose relationships are, really, none of your business, and then the app would give you a heads up when that relationship had danced its last dance.

Everyone was really excited about this app! After all, when someone’s relationship is over, they obviously want to make sure an e-mail blast deploys to a hundred of their closest friends; notifying them that they’re back on the market and looking for sympathy wall posts. Unfortunately, so many people were excited that Facebook took the app off of the market to protect the user experience.

“To ensure positive user experiences on Platform, we run routine automated screens that take user feedback, machine learning and various algorithms into account and remove spammy applications. For example, if an application is making an inordinate number of stream.publish calls and receiving a large number of user reports, it may be removed by our automated systems to protect the user experience and the Platform ecosystem,” explained a message sent from Facebook to Breakup Notifier creator Dan Loewenherz.

Loewenherz has contacted Facebook and is awaiting a response. He’d like to work with the social network to make the app compilable with Facebook’s “ecosystem.” Lowenherz is willing to adjust the app (within reason) to give the people what they want – which, according to 3.6 million users, is the ability to subscribe to their friend’s relationships.

[via TechCrunch]

Stephanie is a NYC lifer who enjoys new-age dating, sharp-dressed men, and occasionally acting as big spoon. Follow her on Twitter!

Realistic Relationship Statuses

Monday, January 3rd, 2011

by Stephanie G.

While Facebook offers nine relationship statuses to choose from, everyone know that the “It’s Complicated” option is, well… complicated. What would it look like if your options were hauntingly specific, instead?

[via BuzzFeed]

Stephanie is a NYC lifer who enjoys new-age dating, sharp-dressed men, and occasionally acting as big spoon. Follow her on Twitter!

Facebook: The New Lipstick On His Collar

Thursday, December 2nd, 2010

by Stephanie G.

A new survey conducted by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that one in five marriages blame Facebook for their demise.

Everything from shady messages to skanky photos are destroying America’s marriages, according to the AAML. 80% of divorce lawyers report a spike in cases that feature evidence derived from social media; citing inappropriate sexual chats with former flings as the most notable culprit. And here I thought that infidelity was the fault of the cheater! I’m relieved to find that, much like every injustice that plagues Western Civilization, it’s Facebook’s fault.

If you catch your man cheating with an ex on Facebook, know that you’re not alone and that it could be worse. He could be cheating on you with Mafia Wars.

Stephanie is a NYC lifer who enjoys new-age dating, sharp-dressed men, and occasionally acting as big spoon.

Love In The Time Of Facebook

Monday, November 22nd, 2010

by Stephanie G.

This month, Seventeen Magazine released results from a study that shows the correlation between Facebook and post-modern dating. The famed teen magazine polled 10,000 guys and dolls aged 16-21 in order to amass how big a role the social networking site plays in teenage courtship.

(The) Facebook came to my campus in 2004, during my freshman year. It pains me to admit it; but six years later, I don’t remember what dating in a pre-Facebook world was like. I don’t remember what anything was like back then. And after reading the results of this study, it’s safe to say the next generation of American youth will have to refer to archaic episodes of 90210 to clue in on the high school dating experience B.F. (before Facebook). Here are the stats:

On how we fall in love…

  • 79% of respondents add someone as a friend sometime during the week following their first offline interaction.
  • 60% visit their crushes’ page on a daily basis (and 40% admit to checking in several times a day).
  • 72% of respondents agree that Facebook friendships lead to stronger relationships offline (and as a victim of the late ’90s-early ’00s AOL Instant Messenger craze, I attest to and agree with this sentiment)

And how we fall out of it…

  • 10% of respondents have been dumped through Facebook (expect this number to rise).
  • 27% block or unfriend their exes post-breakup
  • …while 73% keep their exes amongst their friends. I imagine the percentage of people who communicate with their ex in real life is much, much smaller

Other findings…

  • 43% of girls would skip dating someone based on their Facebook profile, while only 33% of guys said a profile would affect their decision.
  • When it comes to relationship statuses, men are more likely to abstain from listing a label on their profile (17%, compared with 12% of girls).
  • 50% (!!!) of girls find it exciting to change their Facebook relationship status, while 17% think it’s unnecessary. 33% of guys also find it exciting, while 24% could care less. I’m assuming the unrepresented respondents are in relationships with their friends, in a perma-state of “It’s Complicated,” or using their status to confuse and manipulate other people (what? We all have one on our friends list).

Stephanie is a NYC lifer who enjoys new-age dating, sharp-dressed men, and occasionally acting as big spoon. Follow her on Twitter!

11 Percent Admit To Facebook Hookups

Tuesday, November 16th, 2010

By Jennifer Latkiewicz

According to a new study, more than one in ten British adults are giving new meaning to Facebook’s “Poke Me.”

online sexWho said spending time online makes you antisocial?

In a new study looking at the online habits and sexual activity of 2,000 Brits, 11% of those surveyed have admitted to sleeping with someone they met through Facebook. More than half of those resulted in a one night stand, with the average hookup occurring within the last six months.

The research was commissioned on behalf of the British version of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, which will follow Dr. Drew Pinsky as he treats a new crop of celebrity patients for sex addiction.

The number of Facebook hookups may not surprise those who remember the time when users could choose “random play” or “whatever I can get it” as profile options for what they were “looking for.”

Just a few years ago, the idea of even meeting someone online was considered particularly taboo. But thanks to the growing popularity of dating websites, and the wealth of personal information that’s accessible just by Googling, online hookups — much less meetings — are more widely accepted.

However, social networks and websites aren’t the only tech tools being used to engage real-life nooky. The survey also found that 46 percent have sent illicit texts to someone other than their partner, 35 percent of which included nude photos of themselves.

What do you think? Have you ever hooked up with a Facebook friend?

Jennifer Latkiewicz is a Love/Sex blogger for LovingYou.com. You can follow her on Twitter at @jenniferlat.

Will Your Relationship Survive December?

Tuesday, November 2nd, 2010

by Stephanie G.

Deaths may happen in threes, but new-age break-ups happen in thousands.

Doesn’t it seem like every solid couple you know falls apart within days of each other? It’s not just your imagination. Break-ups, much like allergies, peak at certain times of the year.

Award-winning designer and author David McCandless observed over 10,000 Facebook relationship status-updates, specifically tracking the ones that ended with a broken heart.

So, is there really a time of year when your rocky relationship is especially vulnerable? All signs point to yes– and according to McCandless’ chart, break-up season looms ahead.

Unless you’re certain your relationship will beat the odds, hold off on splurging on your honey’s holiday gift, hm?

Stephanie is a NYC lifer who enjoys new-age dating, sharp-dressed men, and occasionally acting as big spoon. Follow her on Twitter!

Don’t go breakin’ my heart, Facebook

Wednesday, October 27th, 2010

by Stephanie G.

If the threat of a broken heart icon desecrating your Facebook wall was reason enough for you to skip filling out the “Relationship Status” field altogether, think twice.

facebook breakup

Turns out, Facebook wishes you a speedy recovery post-breakup. To prove it, they’ve tweaked their “Photo Memories” box, a built-in app you didn’t choose to grace your sidebar and don’t have the option of disabling.

Ex’s in your face

I know you’ve seen the Photo Memories box, looming in the right-hand corner of every Facebook “Photo” page you visit. It’s kind of hard to ignore—namely because the ancient photos that appear typically feature people you’ve shared a bed with at some point. Go ahead; try it yourself. Pick an album, any album. I’ll wait.

Who’d you find awaiting you in the Photo Memory box? A younger version of the guy who promised to call and now responds to all of your texts with “New phone, who is this?” Your sophomore year boyfriend? That hot friend of yours who needs to break up with his girlfriend already?

Dirty laundry?

The algorithm Facebook uses singles out the “friends” they think you want to see the most from. And let’s be honest with ourselves, these people are not random. They’re popping up all over your dashboard because you’re messaging them, liking their statuses, or gazing at their page for hours. Facebook picks up on this dirty laundry and passive-aggressively airs it out on the top right corner of your page.

How to turn them OFF

Thanks to the minor adjustments made by Facebook, there’s now a way to click through a photo album without being bombarded with photos of your ex. All you have to do is break up with someone on Facebook. Change that Relationship Status from “Single” to “In a Relationship” and then back again. Because really, how is Facebook supposed to know any better? It’s not like you told Facebook about that guy you dated for nine months that “likes you a lot” but “just can’t commit right now.”

This development in Photo Memories may sound great to those of us who bought into the official Facebook relationship hype; but for the rest of us, this serves as confirmation of the old adage: damned if you do, damned if you don’t. It also confirms that we can all stand to cool it with the Facebook stalking.

Stephanie is a NYC lifer who enjoys new-age dating, sharp-dressed men, and occasionally acting as big spoon. Follow her on Twitter!

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