Posts Tagged ‘love’
Sunday, July 10th, 2011
by: Yolanda Shoshana
Since I announced that I was opening up my interracial matchmaking services to the masses, I have had people eager to be set up and ready for love. While I would love to match everyone with the love of their life, I have to remind everyone that working with a matchmaker is a process.
Since matchmaking is not about magically producing a hot sexy partner in an instant (if only), there are a few things to keep in mind when working with a matchmaker.
1) Talk to a more than one matchmaker- Do yourself a favor and meet with a few matchmakers so that you know who will be the best one to work with. There are a lot of matchmakers out there so meet with as many as you need to until you feel comfortable. If your friends who have gone to a matchmaker ask them how the experience was, was the matchmaker available, etc.
2) Do not expect to be married in a month- When you sign up with a matchmaker, they may not have the perfect person waiting for you in the wings. Allow them time to conjure up people to set you up with. After all, the reason you are working with a matchmaker is to sort out the wrong people and bring you the right ones. I know I am always out shopping for people for my clients. A good matchmaker matches carefully and selectively. You can’t hurry love so exercise patience.
3) Expect to be interviewed- A matchmaker will interview you to get to know you better and to find out more about the person you are seeking. This is when you will find out how your matchmaker will arrange dates, how to follow up, and other important details that are needed for you to work together.
4) Be Open- Once you have selected your matchmaker and s/he wants to send you out with someone that may not be your normal type, take a chance, and go on the date, because it could be the one. There are plenty of people who end up with someone that they never imagined they would be with. Love has a way of striking when we least expect it.
5) Do Your Own Research- Even though your matchmaker will probably be doing a background check, feel free to do your own research on the people that you are set up. Google them, Bing them, look for them on Facebook, basically now there are a lot of ways to check out someone. Know that they will probably do a little research on you.
Yolanda Shoshana “Shoshi” is a lifestyle provocateur: sex goddess, courtesan coach™, spiritual guru, perfume creatrix, matchmaker, wedding officiant, and new thought speaker. She has a lifestyle show on Mingle Media TV called, Courtesan Candy. Follow her on Twitter @Shoshi
Monday, June 20th, 2011
by: Yolanda Shoshana
When was the last time you said the three magic words, I love you, to your boo? I do not mean in an email, a text or in passing. When was the last time you said those words with intent and feeling.
Saying those three little words can be magic for your relationship. It is difficult for some people to say I love you due to their perspective of the words or how they grew up. Then there are people who throw the words around very easily to the degree that they “love everyone’. Some people love being in love, we all know someone like that.
If you really want “I love you” to take meaning between you and your partner, remember to say the words with intent and meaning. Look into their eyes when you say it. Pick up the phone and say it verbally instead of putting it in a text. Not only is it thoughtful but it slows you down to physically feel love as you say it. It is a win win situation for the both of you.
Besides saying those lovely words, show it. My mother always taught me that action speaks louder than words. You can also do something that shows love versus saying it if the words are hard for you to say.
Pay attention to your partners desires and give them what they crave. It is how you keep love brewing between the two of you, plus it does wonders for keeping it hot in the boudoir.
Make saying “I love you” have meaning and intent!
Yolanda Shoshana “Shoshi” is a lifestyle provocateur: sex goddess, courtesan coach™, lifestyle guru, perfume creatrix, matchmaker, wedding officiant, and new thought speaker. She has a lifestyle show on Mingle Media TV called Courtesan Candy and a radio show Luscious Life on Women’s Radio. Follow her on Twitter @Shoshi
Tuesday, May 31st, 2011
By Aly Walansky
Recently I read the results of a survey of 20,000 people that found that 90 percent of men and women believe that dwindling attraction in a relationship can be rekindled countering the belief that romantic love dies and most people in long-term relationships are unhappy and debunking long-held gender stereotypes about attraction and relationships:
This past weekend, I completed a review of a new book called, “The 30-Day Sex Solution” — and it gave me a lot to think about.
Remember when you and your mate couldn’t keep your hands off one another – before growing children, demanding careers, aging parents and the rut of familiarity turned your sizzle into fizzle? You’re not alone – some 15 percent of married couples have not had sex in a year and another 15-20 percent have been intimate only 10 times in the last year, according to a Georgia State University study. The numbers are small consolation if you are among the semi-celibate. How do you regain that fiery trail of passion that once marked a healthy sexual relationship?
THE 30-DAY SEX SOLUTION shows how to regain a fulfilling sex life by following this professionally designed and titillating plan for every one of the next 30 days. The book is divided into five sections that explore the factors necessary to recreate and maintain romance in a long-term relationship.
- The Priority Factor – Turn off the Blackberry to learn how to turn one another on. It’s time to put one another first to commit to the happiness of your marriage.
- The Intimacy Factor – Drop the baggage and bury the hatchet. If you can’t talk you can’t get close. Follow these exercises to learn better ways of loving yourself – and each other.
- The Novelty Factor – Bring the newness back with courting, seduction and an exploration of your Moan Zones. And don’t forget the silk sheets and the whipped cream.
- The Naughtiness Factor – As Mae West once observed, good is very good but bad is even better. Feel safe enough to indulge fantasies and unleash unspoken desires.
- The Loftiness Factor – Attain new heights of ecstasy with proven techniques that will elevate your experience to the level of sexual soul mates.
So what factor are YOU subscribing to? And how are you trying to reignite the passion in your own relationships?
Friday, April 29th, 2011
By Aly Walansky
1. One of the best-kept secrets is that a gift of flowers from one friend to another is the perfect fit, and the flower power can be immense. Pick a flower or flowers that remind you of your friend’s unique spirit, and include a note linking the flower to them.
2. There is something magical about sharing your life’s path with a friend for those important milestones … marking special times with cards and phone calls will keep you in their memories forever.
3. Congratulate them on a professional achievement, a baby or anything new, or send a big dose of love when they really need it most, after a break-up or a spell of bad news.
4. The time to build a friendship is when it’s strong, so one of my favorite times to express my appreciation is when they’re least expecting it. Surprise your buddy with their favorite baked good or home cooked meal.
5. Bad day at work? Especially good one? Stop by a colleague’s desk for an unexpected friendship surprise. Perhaps bring them a coffee while you are out for a run, or invite them to happy hour after work.
6. Do you work in a group space? Try the engage the office by bringing in snacks, or making special notes of birthdays or other milestones. Also encourage people to share photos and other important moments with the group so that you can all know each other better. Don’t be shy about suggesting group outings to sporting events or dinner.
7. Say thank you to co-workers who’ve put in extra time. Say thank you to ANYONE who does anything for you. And don’t forget to wish people a good morning and good evening, too.
8. On her birthday, tuck an old photo of her and you into the card with a note saying “another year younger.”
9. In addition to giving flowers to others, remember to give flowers to yourself too. Research shows that flowers make people happier; make yourself happier and include flowers as a part of your daily self-love practice!
10. Don’t be shy about sending casual emails or texts for no reason at all. People love to hear form you!
Friday, April 29th, 2011
By Christine K Bailey
Women, by nature, know how to nurture. We hug our broken-hearted girlfriends, kiss the boo-boos from our babies’ knees, rub the shoulders of our stressed-out husbands or significant others, and give, give, give of our time and energy to help and hold those whom we love. But, we don’t always seem to find the time to nurture ourselves. It may be hard to take time out to love yourself, but the truth is giving to yourself, means you have all the more to give to others.
Here are a couple of ways you can shower yourself with much-needed love.
Take a time-out: If it’s good enough for our kids, it’s good enough for us. Only rest assured, you’re not in trouble. If you haven’t tried it – the time-out can be a priceless and inexpensive (depending on your budget) way of giving to yourself. Schedule a regular outing for yourself, whether it’s for a massage, a mani-pedi, or an afternoon to explore your local bookstore. If you’re looking for more than an afternoon, consider taking a weekend trip to a place you’ve never been or a place you’ve always wanted to visit. The time away will do wonders.
Cultivate your creative side: Explore the things that feed your creativity. This may be as simple as a visit to an art museum or perhaps a trip to one of those “paint your own pottery” places. Or it could mean taking a class or workshop. If you want to make something, consider pottery, drawing or painting. If you love music, why not take a piano class or guitar lessons. If you have children, you have a plenty of opportunities in your own home, with coloring books, clay or Model Magic®, finger paints and scrapbooks. If you love the outdoors, why not create a place in your own backyard. Plant flowers that you enjoy, and add a water fountain and a table and chair. Make space where you can go whenever you need a little self-love.
Say thank you: How often do we shrug off the compliments that others bestow upon us? These are little gifts that we don’t let ourselves receive when we brush them off. Not only are we denying the giver the joy of saying something nice and having it well-received, we’re denying ourselves the opportunity to appreciate the kindness and to consider what it means. Our significant others tell us we look nice; a manager compliments us on a project well-done; a coordinator calls us out to thank us for our volunteer work and we forget to say thank you. Instead we brush it off with comments like “oh, it’s nothing” or “so-and-so did most of it” or “no I don’t, I just gained a pound”. Instead of side-stepping the compliment, accept it with a gracious thank you. You will feel better and so will the person who took the time to notice your achievement; however, small you may think it is.
Take a smoke break: But, it’s not to smoke. Use those 5-10 minute breaks throughout the day to clear your mind. Perhaps it means staring out the window in between chores or taking a quick walk around the block. So often we force ourselves to keep going, even as our minds wander off and our bodies become fatigued. It’s our body and our mind’s way of saying we need a break. So take it. If you were a smoker (and maybe you are), you wouldn’t miss that time. You would stop whatever you’re doing to go outside and take deep breaths and quiet your mind. Give yourself a little love every day with little breaks like that. When someone asks where you’re going, you can tell them you’re taking a breather.
Sunday, March 27th, 2011
By Aly Walansky
Recently, I read survey findings released by SpeedDate, that explore whether race is an issue when dating online.
It’s actually super interesting data about relationships and the mates we choose: The findings suggest that as women age (as a whole), they are less likely to entertain the idea of dating outside of their race in contrast to men who become more open as they get older.
Why do you think this may be?
Some interesting highlights:
· Overall, 53.6 percent of women prefer to date within their own ethnicity compared with 42.9 percent of men.
· By age 60, the number of women who prefer to date exclusively within their own ethnicity rises to 70 percent compared to just 38 percent of men
· Pacific Islanders were the least conservative with only 12 percent, on average, dating exclusively within their own group compared to those of Caucasians backgrounds, who at 54 percent were the most conservative.Findings conclude that while many singles are open to dating outside of their ethnicity, key demographic factors such as gender and age play a critical role. Findings conclude that overall, 53.6 percent of women prefer to date men of their own ethnicity compared with 42.9 percent of men. Also, starting at age 25, the percentage of men and women open to dating outside of their ethnicity begin to greatly differ. By age 60, 70 percent of women on SpeedDate.com prefer meeting others exclusively within their own ethnicity compared to just 38 percent of men who consider it an important factor.
In addition to differences in dating preferences between gender and age, the study also looked at individual ethnic groups ranging from Latinos, East Indian and African American among several others. Findings suggest that individuals from minority groups were far more likely to date outside of their ethnicity when compared to those from Caucasian backgrounds. Daters with Pacific Island backgrounds were the least conservative with only 12 percent, on average, dating exclusively within their own group compared to those of Caucasians backgrounds, who at 54 percent were the most conservative.
“Dating preferences, based on culture or color of skin, are considered a taboo subject yet we know it’s no secret that many still consider these to be important factors when meeting others for the first time online,” stated Simon Tisminesky, co-founder and CEO of SpeedDate.com. “What is encouraging is that our findings revealed that across the board, the younger generations were much more open to diversity and dating outside of their circle. We were happy to see this, because as this trend continues, it means online daters will have an even higher chance of meeting someone special based truly on chemistry.”
* In all categories, except for individuals of Asian decent, females were found to prefer their own ethnic group more than males.
* Asian males, at 62 percent, came in second as the least likely to date outside of their ethnic group behind Caucasian individuals as a whole.
So, how does this compare to what is going on in your life? Do you see out of us dating outside our race where you live?
Saturday, March 19th, 2011
by: Yolanda Shoshana
With so much texting going on, love letters have been put on the back burner. Sure it is sweet to get a nice text or email from your lover, but there is nothing like an old fashion love letter. Love letters were a part of the greatest love affairs in history.
There is power of the hand written word that can woo your lover or (potential lover). Sometimes it is hard to come up with the right words. When you get stumped, use a great love quote to start you off. Here are some that can help you along the way:
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere; they’re in each other all along~ Rumi
The quote by Rumi is a favorite, it let’s someone know what they are a part of your soul. Always a great one to use if your and your lover have a deep spiritual connection.
“How do I love thee, let me count the ways”- Elizabeth Barrett Brown
This quote can be used as a jumping off point for going into details about what you love about someone. Think of the sexy ways, funny ways, playful ways, it is a wonderful way to show someone what you notice about them. Put this in a card and melt your lover’s heart.
“Grow old with me, the best is yet to be” – Robert Browning
This is a sweet way to let someone know that you want a commitment and see
them in your life for the long haul. It also let’s them know that your relationship will get better with age.
“I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you” ~Roy Croft
The love of your life should be a person that elevates you to be your best and live your best life. Make sure you let them know that they are a key ingredient in your success. Behind every good person is a good partner.
Sometimes I wonder if love is forth fighting for, then I see your face and I am ready for war~ Unknown
Love can be a challenge and sometimes down right frustrating. When you really love someone, just by looking at them all the issues seem to melt away. This quote is perfect when you have been going through a difficult time with your partner. It is always good to let them know that you want to fight to make your relationship work.
Yolanda Shoshana “Shoshi” is a lifestyle provocteur: sex goddess, courtesan coach™, lifestyle guru, love maker, wedding officiant, and new thought speaker. Follow her on Twitter @Shoshi
Sunday, March 13th, 2011
By Aly Walansky
Here are the facts about three celebrities who were blindsided by their spouse with divorce:
—Actress Laura Dern was totally blindsided when her hubby, Grammy winner Ben Harper, filed for a divorce. The two had been married since 2005 and had two kids together. Meanwhile, Harper claimed in the legal documents that they’d been separated since January, but friends of the couple said they’d been traveling together all year and were intimate maybe as recently as last week. How hard is it to have a sit-down before filing divorce papers?
—Usher and his now ex-wife Tameka Foster had allegedly been separated for a year when Usher filed for divorce, but Tameka claimed they’d been intimate within the week and court documents said she had every reason to believe her marriage was intact.
—Tiki Barber was allegedly “floored” that his pregnant wife Ginny filed for divorce, because she was supposed to do it a month later. Ginny was eight months pregnant with twins and the two had agreed they wouldn’t “file divorce papers until after their babies were born.” The two had been separated since talk of Tiki’s alleged affair had begun a few weeks before.
In each of these cases one partner was shocked and surprised by their partner’s move to file divorce. Clearly there was a communication shortfall but could it have been avoided? What can we learn from these examples?
Mary Pender Greene, noted psychotherapist and relationship expert has this to say: “Many of us share the unrealistic expectations of celebrities and do and will not put the necessary effort into our marriages. This can be traced to the pretty pictures presented by movies, television and other entertainment sources–creating false expectations. This becomes deadly when coupled with the high divorce rate in America.
We learn from the example of our parents and their behavior.
Couples often fall victim to difficult family histories. It is instructive that in the case of celebrities, too many of them are surrounded by adoring fans and equally adoring friends and associatesmost who care for them based on their fame and fortune. Is it surprising these “stars” would have difficulty with the sometimes hard truths of marriage? But no matter what the situation is or who you are, there is no getting around the fact that marriage takes work. Being “lazy in love” will almost always spell disaster in a marriage. It leads to communication difficulties and skewed perceptions.
“In the case of these blindsided men and woman, it is clear that a lack of communication between them was the main culprit in their break-ups,” Pender says.
Thursday, March 10th, 2011
By Aly Walansky
Research has long shown the benefits of friendship to preventative & restorative health, increased happiness and lower stress levels, but as findings are connected to longevity, baby boomers should definitely take note of the tips from Shasta noted below on how to establish or increase a circle of friends post 50 years of age.
In fact, Dr. Jacqueline Olds, a psychiatrist and prolific author says,“Aside from genetics, the two most important factors in longevity are exercise and a network of friends.” And certainly as our exercise abilities change as we age, the friendship piece could play a stronger and more significant role in the quality of our life.
As generations age, their awareness of the importance of caring for their physical and emotional health seems to intensify. The life experiences of baby-boomers now include having their own fair-share of death, divorce, loss and disappointment, which increasingly heightens the desire to have real friends, not just a social life. Both women and men recognize an amplified desire to participate in supportive friendships that include regular meaningful conversations and quality time together. Baby-boomers age they are also able to devote more consistent time to the development of friendship. Their children are no longer as time consuming to their schedules and many are trying to retire or, at least, don’t want to live for work anymore.
The flip side of that truth also presents a challenge that baby-boomers will face as they seek to foster new friendships. Kids, careers and spouses were effective ways to meet new friends in the younger days, but as our kids move out, divorces occur and we cut back on working at the office, those popular areas of commonality become less helpful in forging introductions.
Another challenge to friendships for those facing retirement, which often includes a new move closer to grandkids, to a warmer place or to a dream house, could mean leaving behind a network of local friends and starting the process all over.
Shasta Nelson, M.Div., the founder of GirlFriendCircles.com and a Life Coach for transitions identifies way to connect for why women over 50 also join GirlFriendCircles.com.
Tips for Your Post-50 Friendships
Do make new friendships reflecting your current life. It does take time to feel familiar with new friends, usually 2-3 get-togethers for about 3-6 months, sometimes up to a year. But the time is an important investment. Make sure you start connecting with others who live in your new community, who share your interests and who can journey with you for who are now.
Do stay in touch with a select few from your past. It is hugely important to have people in your life who you feel like knowyou and have witnessed significant milestones in your life. In other words, shared history matters. Be intentional to choose a few people from different phases of your life to devote energy and time to writing, calling and visiting.
Do be authentic. In the transition through retirement, many life areas that have given you your identity (career, kids, marriage) may shift. As you step into more awareness around who you are and what you are offering in a friendship, one of the gifts that comes with age is a freedom to be real. Talk about things that matter. Be authentic. Show up as you—not as so-and-so’s mom or the manager of this-and-that. Your relationships have the possibility of being richer than ever in this age!
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