Posts Tagged ‘marriage’
Sunday, July 10th, 2011
by: Yolanda Shoshana
Since I announced that I was opening up my interracial matchmaking services to the masses, I have had people eager to be set up and ready for love. While I would love to match everyone with the love of their life, I have to remind everyone that working with a matchmaker is a process.
Since matchmaking is not about magically producing a hot sexy partner in an instant (if only), there are a few things to keep in mind when working with a matchmaker.
1) Talk to a more than one matchmaker- Do yourself a favor and meet with a few matchmakers so that you know who will be the best one to work with. There are a lot of matchmakers out there so meet with as many as you need to until you feel comfortable. If your friends who have gone to a matchmaker ask them how the experience was, was the matchmaker available, etc.
2) Do not expect to be married in a month- When you sign up with a matchmaker, they may not have the perfect person waiting for you in the wings. Allow them time to conjure up people to set you up with. After all, the reason you are working with a matchmaker is to sort out the wrong people and bring you the right ones. I know I am always out shopping for people for my clients. A good matchmaker matches carefully and selectively. You can’t hurry love so exercise patience.
3) Expect to be interviewed- A matchmaker will interview you to get to know you better and to find out more about the person you are seeking. This is when you will find out how your matchmaker will arrange dates, how to follow up, and other important details that are needed for you to work together.
4) Be Open- Once you have selected your matchmaker and s/he wants to send you out with someone that may not be your normal type, take a chance, and go on the date, because it could be the one. There are plenty of people who end up with someone that they never imagined they would be with. Love has a way of striking when we least expect it.
5) Do Your Own Research- Even though your matchmaker will probably be doing a background check, feel free to do your own research on the people that you are set up. Google them, Bing them, look for them on Facebook, basically now there are a lot of ways to check out someone. Know that they will probably do a little research on you.
Yolanda Shoshana “Shoshi” is a lifestyle provocateur: sex goddess, courtesan coach™, spiritual guru, perfume creatrix, matchmaker, wedding officiant, and new thought speaker. She has a lifestyle show on Mingle Media TV called, Courtesan Candy. Follow her on Twitter @Shoshi
Tuesday, May 10th, 2011
by: Yolanda Shoshana
Something must be in the air, because in the past few weeks most of my female clients have had a panic attack in front of me, because they are still single. It is starting to feel like a national epidemic. They don’t know how it has happened that forty is closing in and they have no one in sight to marry or have children with. Society continues to make being single one of the worst things to be for women, while single men are cool and eligible at any age.
In reality the grass is always greener on the other side, there are pros and cons to being single and married. It all depends upon your perspective. Plus if marriage it suppose to be the ultimate threshold, would there be a 50% divorce rate in America?
No matter what age you are, waiting until you find your Mr. Right and making the choice not to settle is the only way to go. A marriage does not guarantee happiness. There are people who are married that are lonely and would love to be single again. While it may be taking you a little longer to find the love of your life, once true love shows up it will be worth it.
Remember that the person that you seek is seeking you. Love is like a bumpy rollercoaster ride. After the ride is over you will appreciate it even more. Love always arrives on time, not a minute earlyor a minute late.
Let go of the fear that you will not end up alone. Do not believe it is hard to date; it is about your perception. Great dates happen all the time, know that it will happen for you. Have faith that at any minute love will arrive. When the right person comes along it will be like they were always in your life, because lovers don’t finally meet somewhere; they’re in each other all along.
Yolanda Shoshana “Shoshi” is a lifestyle provocateur: sex goddess, courtesan coach™, perfume creatrix, love maker, wedding officiant, and new thought speaker. She has a new lifestyle show on Mingle Media TV called, Courtesan Candy. Follow her on Twitter @Shoshi
Wednesday, March 16th, 2011
by Stephanie G.
A few months back, researchers at Radford University released a list of the Top 15 careers most likely to end in divorce. The list included a few surprises, like concierges (really? But they’re so helpful!) and roofers. Naturally, many of the occupations to avoid were pretty sexy. A day at work for these people includes everything from semi-nudity (professional dancers) to completely buck naked (massage therapists).
So who’s unlucky in love?
1. Dancers and choreographers, 43% divorce rate
2. Bartenders, 38% divorce rate
3. Massage therapists, 38% divorce rate
10. Entertainers and performers, 28% divorce rate
Stephanie is a NYC lifer who enjoys new-age dating, sharp-dressed men, and occasionally acting as big spoon. Follow her on Twitter!
Thursday, March 3rd, 2011
By Aly Walansky
Terri Orbuch, PhD’s 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great maintains that good relationships shouldn’t be hard work. Here’s more good news for lovebirds: If you’re in a happy partnership, married or not, you can keep it that way or make it even better by introducing a few new behaviors and small changes into the relationship.
While many relationship experts say you need to focus on fixing what’s wrong, my research shows that adding positive behaviors to the relationship has a much greater impact on couples’ happiness.
Here are ten ways to deepen your relationship bond, and be a happier couple.
Accept your partner’s uniqueness.
We have all had moments when we wished our partner was thinner, wealthier, more romantic, and so on. Take a look at your expectations and ask yourself how realistic they are. Unrealistic expectations lead to chronic frustration, which my study found is the main reason relationships fail.
Do random acts of kindness–often.
Small gestures that say “I’m thinking of you” are essential to keep the relationship bond strong–e.g., he fills up her tank with gas, she brings him a steaming cup of coffee in bed. Hand holding, touching, or a midday love email are all small ways of showing affection. Research shows that the accumulation of small gestures has a bigger impact on couple happiness than grand, less frequent gestures.
Devote 10 minutes a day to connecting.
Most couples think they talk to each other all the time. But how often do you talk about things that really deepen your understanding of your mate? The happy couples in my study talked to each other frequently–not about their relationship, but about other things–and felt they knew a lot about their spouse in four key areas: friends, stressors, life dreams, and values. Set aside 10 minutes a day–I call it The 10-Minute Rule–to talk to your partner about anything other than work, family, the household, or the relationship. This simple change infuses relationships with new spirit and life.
Fall in love all over again–weekly.
Spontaneous dates are great, but the truth is that we’re busy and we often don’t make time for our lover. Keep your love relationship healthy with a once-a-week date–dinner out, a movie, dancing, an art show, couples yoga–whatever. Take turns planning it. Men: studies show that women are more passionate and their libido is stronger when they are out of their home setting–away from kids and chores. Watch what happens when you book a night at the local hotel, and get a friend or relative to watch the kids and pets.
Change and grow–together.
Your love relationship is a living thing that needs nourishment to grow and develop. The best way to nurture it is to infuse it with change. Much like fertilizer for a plant, introducing change into relationships has been shown to be a key ingredient to couple happiness. The changes can be small, but they have to upset the routine enough to make him or her sit up and take notice. Switch roles: If he always makes the dinner reservation, let her do it. Or interrupt routines: Play hooky from work and do something fun together, like visiting a museum or tourist spot nearby. Or try something new: Take a water-skiing class together, or go on a mediation retreat.
Get to know each other’s friends and family.
My research found that men, in particular, are happier when the female has a good relationship with his family. Also, couples who accept–not necessarily love–each other’s friends and make an effort to know them report being happier than couples who have separate friends and separate family lives.
Be a caregiver.
One of the three things couples need for a happy relationship is support (the other two needs are reassurance and intimacy). The happy couples in my study uniformly said that having a partner who was “there for them” was one of the most important aspects of their relationship. Men often like to give instrumental support–the kind of support that fixes or solves a problem. Women often like to give emotional support–empathetic listening and constructive feedback. Find out what type of help your partner really wants first, and then give it to him or her–often and consistently.
Keep it light–and full of light.
Laughter is a spiritual practice. In marriage, it acts as happiness medicine. To keep your relationship from slipping into a rut, you need to balance the rational aspects of your partnership with the fun parts. Yes, you need to do certain things to keep your life orderly and your partnership secure. But don’t forget to play. Try to rediscover the pure delight of playing a game, acting childish in the snow, watching a silly movie, dragging her onto the dance floor, and so on.
Let go and give it to a higher power.
When you have a disagreement, sometimes it’s best to just let it go and let the universe deal with it. Instead of bickering or getting angry, see if you can let the small things go by. Every partnership has conflict. Conflict is not what makes couples unhappy, but it’s the way they deal with it that brings stress into the relationship. Figure out which issues are really important to deal with–for example, those involving kids, money, and division of labor are usually the top three–and then let some of the smaller stuff go.
Find a healthy way to communicate.
The happy couples from my long-term study of marriage all said that good communication skills were what kept them together and thriving. This means not only asking your partner what he or she needs, but telling your partner what you need. It means checking in regularly to find out what stressors are rearing their ugly head in your partner’s life, and it means learning how to fight fair–no name calling, shaming, or kitchen sinking (bringing up everything that’s bothered you for the last year).
Want some cool ideas for your next date? Check out 100s of date ideas >>
Thursday, February 24th, 2011
By Aly Walansky
1. Talk frequently and honestly to each other about your frustrations, about sex, about anger,about disappointment, about your appreciation of each other, about the meaning of life, about everything.
No topic should be off limits. Learn to listen and communicate instead of fighting.
Fighting is childish, and you want a grown-up relationship.
2. Strive to work together to solve anything that comes up:
Be a team, create a partnership. Don’t get stuck on who’s right or wrong, instead focus on what will solve the problem. Strive to work together so both of you can have what you want. When you build a successful working partnership, each of you will feel supported and respected by the other. When each of you feels that the other has your best interests at heart, problems are solved not “my way” or “your way” but so that both are happy with the solution. The mutuality of this type of partnership creates an environment of love where deep trust grows. When trust, respect, responsibility and love feel mutual, that’s when we feel secure in being loved.
3. Keep your connection going through communication, sex, affection, understanding and concern for one another.
Nothing insures that your relationship will remain faithful better than a good, warm connection with mutually enjoyable sex.
4. Have a sense of humor; give the benefit of the doubt, care about each other.
Store up plenty of good times in your relationship reservoir to draw on in the hard times. Treat your partner like your best friend.
Saturday, February 19th, 2011
By Aly Walansky
Why does it seem that all our friends are great and connect with us and get along with us – yet our spouse just doesn’t!?
Here is the secret: We tend to surround ourselves with the same personality type as us when it comes to friends, yet in a spouse we marry a DIFFERENT personality type!
We do this because we are “staffing our weaknesses.”
Things that we are not capable of doing is probably our spouse’s greatest strength. For example, maybe we are shy but our spouse makes friends easily. Naturally we adore people who have strengths that we don’t so we admire them, fall in love and marry them.
The funny thing is – after the ring goes on we spend our entire marriage trying to turn them in to us!
Instead of trying to change our spouse to be “us”, we should appreciate why we married them in the first place and focus on those strengths we adore instead of on our differences!
Do you notice yourself making this mistake — in dating and in marriage? Please comment below!
Wednesday, February 9th, 2011
By Aly Walansky
You can talk to your significant other about what they love, what they hate, where they want to travel and what they want to accomplish. But talking about the root of all those things—money—can be difficult. Financial experts say money and money problems are the leading cause of divorce which means communication is key. Make those money talks less awkward with these tips.
Plan for It
Having a conversation about money isn’t something you want to spring on someone. Instead of bringing it up in the heat of the moment or just before bed, plan your chat ahead of time. Tell your partner you want to go over your finances next Tuesday or Saturday afternoon. Write it down on your calendar in ink. That way you can both be prepared and focused.
Schedule Them Regularly
Having one money talk and then avoiding the topic for the next decade isn’t the way to achieve financial success. Try scheduling one money talk a month. Review where you succeeded and what you can try to do better on. The more you have them, the less awkward they’ll be.
Do Some Dreaming
No one wants to repeatedly get beaten down over how low their income is, how much they overspend or how bad they are at saving. While it’s good to work on your weaknesses it’s also important to spend some time during your money talk dreaming about the future. What goals do you have? What great trip do you want to take? If you’re on the same page with your goals you may have an easier time saving for them.
Most money pros agree—you’re either a spender or a saver. And it’s likely that you are on one side of the spectrum while your spouse is the other. Just knowing that will help you in your money talks. Expect differences because the way you look at and treat money is inherently different. You don’t have to be in conflict, but you do have to find balance.
Saturday, January 29th, 2011
By Jennifer Latkiewicz
Do you read his texts, check his Facebook profile or even hack into his online accounts? You may be snoopy but hey, you’re not alone.
All you need is love… and a poorly encrypted password.
Nearly half of women know their partner’s passwords for their email and Facebook accounts with one in ten admitting they snoop behind their partner’s back, according to a recent poll.
In the survey of 3,000 British women 18 to 45 who are in a relationship, researchers also found that 38 percent check their partner’s web browser history whenever they use his PC, while a third confess to peeking at his mobile phone.
The U.K. study also found that one in six women has gone as far as setting a “honeytrap” — sending messages to their partner from a fake online account or mobile number in an attempt to catch them.
Other interesting tidbits:
-28% said they questioned calls from an unknown number on their partner’s phone
-One in 20 have caught their husbands or boyfriends sexting — exchanging racy text messages or pictures — with members of the opposite sex.
-A fifth have argued with their partner over putting kisses on text messages to another woman
-Nine in 10 consider any form of ‘sexting’ to be disrespectful and not harmless fun, with eight in ten saying they would end the relationship.
-Most women would confront their partner if they found anything on their phone but 45% said they would keep the information to themselves and let things play out before saying anything.
Do you keep digital tabs on your man? If so, has it ever blown up in your face? Let us know in the comments section!
Jennifer Latkiewicz is a Love/Sex blogger for LovingYou.com. Follow her on Twitter at @JenniferLat.
Saturday, January 29th, 2011
By Jennifer Latkiewicz
As it turns out, the way to a better life is by taking the plunge.
Tax breaks, a Williams-Sonoma registry and a guaranteed date to social functions aren’t the only perks of getting married. From benefits such as a longer, healthier life, more friends and better sex, researchers say the cure for what ails you could be as simple as saying “I do.”
Married people lead healthier, longer lives.
A blissful union leads to a longer life, more friends, and better mental and physical health, say researchers. According to a recent report, the happier the marriage, the more likely you are to eat healthily, have more friends and take better care of each other.
Additionally, marriage can also reduce work-related stress, fatigue and depression, thanks to the added support from spouses at home to help talk away the problems of the day. And let’s not forget about the discounted healthcare plans for spouses!
But how much of an effect does marriage really have? According to a UCLA study, people in generally excellent health were still 88 percent more likely to die over the 8-year study period if they were single (presumably eaten by cats).
Married people are paid more… and work less.
Believe it or not, that band of gold is more than a symbol of eternal love — it’s a guaranteed pay raise and ‘free pass’ for time off. Balancing family and work can but tough but fortunately, the system has been set up to help accommodate spousal and/or parental obligations. And even when single and married men have done the same job at the same level of competence for the same number of years, bachelors are paid about 26 percent less, says Dr. Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., a Harvard-educated social psychologist and author of Singled Out: How Singles are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After.
Accurate or not, the perception is that a married man’s paycheck goes towards supporting his family — not bar tabs and cat food, or whatever it is the boss assumes single people spend their money on. Perhaps that’s why married men receive higher performance ratings and faster promotions than bachelors, as reported in a 2005 study.
Married people have more satisfying sex, more often.
Despite the countless sitcoms suggesting otherwise, married people enjoy better, more satisfying sex, say Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher in their book The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better off Financially. After examining hundreds of published studies and statistics, the authors found that about over 40% of married women said their sex life was emotionally and physically satisfying, compared to about 30% of single women. Not only that, but 40% of married people reported to have sex twice a week, compared to 20-25% of single and cohabitating men and women.
What about the Cohabitators?
Cohabiting couples looking to reap the same benefits may have to take the plunge, as the key seems to lie within the deeper commitment and permanency of marriage. Says John Gallacher, a Cardiff University academic who reviewed the aforementioned European studies regarding marriage and health for the British Medical Journal, ”Commitment seems to provide networks of supportive and helpful relationships, beginning with the spouse or partner, leading to more healthy lifestyles and better emotional and physical health.”
However, marriage isn’t always the answer — according to Gallacher, being single is far less harmful to your health than being in a strained relationship. Though he did note that despite the risks of failure, “On balance, it [pursuing a relationship] is probably worth making the effort.”
Marriage — the key to happiness. Who knew?
Jennifer Latkiewicz is a Love/Sex blogger for LovingYou.com. She is one half of a cohabiting couple hoping to be the exception to the rule. Follow her on Twitter at @JenniferLat.
Want some cool ideas for your next date? Check out 100s of date ideas >>
Thursday, January 27th, 2011
Is having an extramarital affair as taboo as it use to be? This trendy topic seems to be getting a lot of attention in the past few weeks thanks to Steve Harvey and Ashley Madison.
Actor/Comedian turned love guru Steve Harvey, who recently released his second book Straight Talk, No Chaser is being called out on YouTube by his ex- wife, Mary Harvey. She is blowing up his spot by saying Steve is not the man he claims to be because he cheated on her, took their son, and left her homeless. What makes it even more of a hot mess is she is shares a letter that she received from a mistress. Harvey has admitted that was no angel in the past and that he has changed with is current marriage. It should be noted that Harvey’s current wife was one of his mistresses when he was married.
When one thinks of having an affair, Ashley Madison is the online dating service to check out. The website claims to have over 7.8 million around the world ready, willing, and able to cheat on their partners. Ashley Madison recently had a commercial ad for the Superbowl rejected. As if a commercial with porn star, Savanna Samson, taking off her clothes telling people have an affair would have aired on Fox or any other network? The rejected video is now a hit on YouTube, which may have been a part of their master plan all along.
Extramarital affairs are becoming common with 80% of married couples having had at least one partner in an affair at one time or another. Don’t act surprised because if you haven’t strayed, chances are one of your friends (if not more) have stepped outside of their marriage. Not to mention that studies continue to show that single women find attached men more attractive.
While people still look at marital affairs as immoral, more women are having affairs today. There are various reasons for this such as personal gratification, lack of romance, feeling lonely, and feeling sexier with age.
Yolanda Shoshana “Shoshi” is a multi-platform media personality: courtesan coach™, lifestyle guru, love maker, wedding officiant, and new thought speaker. Follow her on Twitter @Shoshi