by Stephanie G.
Lock down a prince– using Prince William and Kate Middleton’s relationship model.
Barbara Hayes, MS, MFT, believes that, while the world is one prince down, there’s no shortage of charming men to choose from– it’s just up to women to learn how to recognize them. Hayes has a master’s degree in counseling psychology and a license in marriage and family therapy, and has this advice for woman looking to snag a prince of their own, based on one royal relationship:
A “prince” finds friendship valuable: “[Prince William and Kate] first established a foundation of friendship on which to build a life together. William and Kate were friends for over a year before they became romantically involved. They found that they had many things in common, as well as enjoying each other’s sense of humor and company. Many people don’t take the time to truly know a potential partner before becoming physically intimate. The feel-good hormone oxytocin kicks in and clouds their ability to judge whether or not the other person is a good match for them in the non-physical ways, which become vitally important once the burning physical fires turn to smoke and ash.”
A “prince” is thoughtful: “…William gave Kate his mother Diana’s stunning sapphire engagement ring so that she would be a presence in their wedding and life together. The beautiful and heartfelt sentiment in that gift was not lost on his fiancé. He carried the ring around with him for weeks waiting for the perfect time to pop the question. Kate found this incredibly touching and romantic, as would any woman. It is the thought and feeling behind any gesture that says far more than the showiness or price tag.”
A “prince” is protective for the right reasons: “Kate has already been the subject of extreme public scrutiny, which nothing in her former life as a commoner had prepared her for. William clearly feels very protective of her. He is highly aware that his position creates an intense interest that is overwhelming. He is and will continue to be her support system. For the rest of us, this would probably be more about having someone comfort and support us during a family member’s illness or the death of a pet. Whatever the tough times look like, a partner’s support or lack thereof is an acid test for a relationship.”
A “prince” keeps the past behind him: “Although the couple met several years ago, they also went through a very public parting of the ways in 2007. Much to their credit, neither of them had a negative word to say about the other, at least in public. I don’t recall seeing any photos of their faces contorted in anger, unlike recent celebrity break-ups complete with stunningly vicious soundtrack. Couples often go through conflicts; research shows that the ones who know how to have a clean, fair fight are the ones who will not only survive, but thrive. No yelling, no name calling, no dredging up the past!”
A “prince” maintains balance: “William has interests beyond living the life of a wealthy prince. He has focused on his role in the military. He and his brother Harry have continued some of the charity work for which their mother was famous. At the same time, William obviously knows how to enjoy himself in spite of the pressures of his position as heir to the throne of England. Any man who is completely consumed by his work or his play will cause feelings of annoyance or abandonment, unless of course one shares his obsession.”
A “prince” shows respect for his lady: “When asked how Kate will stand up to comparisons to Princess Diana, William stated that Kate will make her own path, not compare herself to Diana. He was clear, “She’ll do really well.” For her part, Kate is spirited, hard working, and athletic, which has won her William’s respect and love. Like any modern man he wants a life partner, not a pampered princess.”
A “prince” welcomes independence: “William and Kate met at the University of St. Andrews when they were both very young. After some years, they needed to take a break to learn more about themselves as they became adults. Although the break was painful, both say that they learned a lot and grew as people from it. It is a mark of maturity to know that people do need a break from relationships sometimes. Whether that is an evening apart, a long weekend with college friends, or a months-long separation, the ability to negotiate that without recrimination can turn out to be a couple’s saving grace.”
Hayes acknowledges that, while seeking these qualities will land any woman a worthy suitor, keeping him is quite another story. “If you want a man with all of the above and more qualities, then you need to give as well as you get. Prima donnas are only desirable to narcissistic men looking for someone to show off to their friends; they generally don’t have a long shelf-life. Women who are happy, generous, kind, and caring are going to attract kindred princely spirits. Kate Middleton did…and so can you!”
Barbara Hayes, MS, MFT, author of the new release, Beware of Dogs, is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She wrote this book to help women understand how to determine the difference between the petty issues that plague most relationships and the big red flags that the relationship is headed for disaster. In doing so, she incorporates both Western and Eastern psychological disciplines into her work. Hayes attended University of California at Berkeley and Dominican University of California. She is a proud mother, her ‘status’ is single and she currently lives in northern California.
Stephanie is a NYC lifer who enjoys new-age dating, sharp-dressed men, and occasionally acting as big spoon. Follow her on Twitter!