By Aly Walansky

Recently, I read survey findings released by SpeedDate, that explore whether race is an issue when dating online.

It’s actually super interesting data about relationships and the mates we choose: The findings suggest that as women age (as a whole), they are less likely to entertain the idea of dating outside of their race in contrast to men who become more open as they get older.

Why do you think this may be?

Some interesting highlights:

· Overall, 53.6 percent of women prefer to date within their own ethnicity compared with 42.9 percent of men.

· By age 60, the number of women who prefer to date exclusively within their own ethnicity rises to 70 percent compared to just 38 percent of men

· Pacific Islanders were the least conservative with only 12 percent, on average, dating exclusively within their own group compared to those of Caucasians backgrounds, who at 54 percent were the most conservative.Findings conclude that while many singles are open to dating outside of their ethnicity, key demographic factors such as gender and age play a critical role. Findings conclude that overall, 53.6 percent of women prefer to date men of their own ethnicity compared with 42.9 percent of men. Also, starting at age 25, the percentage of men and women open to dating outside of their ethnicity begin to greatly differ. By age 60, 70 percent of women on SpeedDate.com prefer meeting others exclusively within their own ethnicity compared to just 38 percent of men who consider it an important factor.

In addition to differences in dating preferences between gender and age, the study also looked at individual ethnic groups ranging from Latinos, East Indian and African American among several others. Findings suggest that individuals from minority groups were far more likely to date outside of their ethnicity when compared to those from Caucasian backgrounds. Daters with Pacific Island backgrounds were the least conservative with only 12 percent, on average, dating exclusively within their own group compared to those of Caucasians backgrounds, who at 54 percent were the most conservative.

“Dating preferences, based on culture or color of skin, are considered a taboo subject yet we know it’s no secret that many still consider these to be important factors when meeting others for the first time online,” stated Simon Tisminesky, co-founder and CEO of SpeedDate.com. “What is encouraging is that our findings revealed that across the board, the younger generations were much more open to diversity and dating outside of their circle. We were happy to see this, because as this trend continues, it means online daters will have an even higher chance of meeting someone special based truly on chemistry.”

Other Findings:

* In all categories, except for individuals of Asian decent, females were found to prefer their own ethnic group more than males.

* Asian males, at 62 percent, came in second as the least likely to date outside of their ethnic group behind Caucasian individuals as a whole.

So, how does this compare to what is going on in your life? Do you see out of us dating outside our race where you live?

By Aly Walansky

Research has long shown the benefits of friendship to preventative & restorative health, increased happiness and lower stress levels, but as findings are connected to longevity, baby boomers should definitely take note of the tips from Shasta noted below on how to establish or increase a circle of friends post 50 years of age.

In fact, Dr. Jacqueline Olds, a psychiatrist and prolific author says,“Aside from genetics, the two most important factors in longevity are exercise and a network of friends.” And certainly as our exercise abilities change as we age, the friendship piece could play a stronger and more significant role in the quality of our life.

Increased Desire

As generations age, their awareness of the importance of caring for their physical and emotional health seems to intensify. The life experiences of baby-boomers now include having their own fair-share of death, divorce, loss and disappointment, which increasingly heightens the desire to have real friends, not just a social life.  Both women and men recognize an amplified desire to participate in supportive friendships that include regular meaningful conversations and quality time together. Baby-boomers age they are also able to devote more consistent time to the development of friendship. Their children are no longer as time consuming to their schedules and many are trying to retire or, at least, don’t want to live for work anymore.

Increased Challenges

The flip side of that truth also presents a challenge that baby-boomers will face as they seek to foster new friendships. Kids, careers and spouses were effective ways to meet new friends in the younger days, but as our kids move out, divorces occur and we cut back on working at the office, those popular areas of commonality become less helpful in forging introductions.

Another challenge to friendships for those facing retirement, which often includes a new move closer to grandkids, to a warmer place or to a dream house, could mean leaving behind a network of local friends and starting the process all over.

Shasta Nelson, M.Div., the founder of GirlFriendCircles.com and a Life Coach for transitions identifies way to connect for why women over 50 also join GirlFriendCircles.com.

Tips for Your Post-50 Friendships

Do make new friendships reflecting your current life. It does take time to feel familiar with new friends, usually 2-3 get-togethers for about 3-6 months, sometimes up to a year. But the time is an important investment. Make sure you start connecting with others who live in your new community, who share your interests and who can journey with you for who are now.

Do stay in touch with a select few from your past. It is hugely important to have people in your life who you feel like knowyou and have witnessed significant milestones in your life.  In other words, shared history matters.  Be intentional to choose a few people from different phases of your life to devote energy and time to writing, calling and visiting.

Do be authentic. In the transition through retirement, many life areas that have given you your identity (career, kids, marriage) may shift.  As you step into more awareness around who you are and what you are offering in a friendship, one of the gifts that comes with age is a freedom to be real.  Talk about things that matter.  Be authentic. Show up as you—not as so-and-so’s mom or the manager of this-and-that.  Your relationships have the possibility of being richer than ever in this age!

Want some cool ideas for your next date? Check out 100s of date ideas >>

By Aly Walansky

Are you trying to find new love — it’s not impossible. Here’s some tips to ease your path!

1. It’s not about who’s right or wrong, it’s about solving the problem together. If you try to win the argument, you’ll lose something more important — loving feelings.
2. With listening, caring and the willingness to change, anything in your relationship can be fixed. There’s no need to be afraid — just turn up the love.
3. It’s a partnership, silly! Stop struggling, and learn to work together. Focus on teamwork and sharing.
4. Behavior that enhances relationships with people at work, and with your friends, will probably work if you use it with your spouse. Seek to be more rational and less angry or emotional.
5. What goes around comes around, in love as well as life. If you want more of love, try giving more. It will work every time.
6. Act like the grownup you are, not a little kid. Think before you speak and focus on solutions, not problems. Give up whining, complaining and suffering, and step up to taking responsibility and loving more.

Want some cool ideas for your next date? Check out 100s of date ideas >>

By Aly Walansky

Most people choose to live together because they thrive on the intimacy and security of being in close proximity to their loved one day and night. But there are some super-sensitive people, or emotional empaths, who find it difficult to be around people 24/7. They tend to intuit and absorb their partner’s energy and mood, and become overloaded, anxious, or exhausted.

These “super responders” are sometimes lonely and want a romantic relationship, but don’t know how to handle being with a partner under the same roof without feeling overwhelmed, suffocated, and engulfed.

In Dr. Judith Orloff’s practice, she’s seen emotional empaths who take a creative approach to relationships save their marriages and make ongoing intimacies feel safe, even those super-sensitive types who haven’t had a long-term partner before.

Once you’re able to articulate your needs, the right amount of closeness with your love partner is possible. If you’re an emotional empath, as I am, here are five tips from Emotional Freedom that will help you feel more at ease in a relationship.

Tip #1: Talk to your mate or potential mate about your need for space.
As you’re getting to know someone, share that you’re a sensitive person and periodically need quiet time. One boyfriend who understood my needs bought me a “Keep Out” sign to hang on my door for moments when I needed time to decompress–but didn’t know how to ask for it.

Tip #2: Clarify your preferred sleep style.
Some emotional empaths never get used to sleeping in the same bed, no matter how caring a mate. Nothing personal–they just like their own sleep space. Feeling trapped in bed with someone and not getting a good night’s rest are torture. Energy fields blend during sleep, which can overstimulate empaths. So, discuss options with your mate. Separate beds. Separate rooms. Sleeping together a few nights a week. Because non-empaths may feel lonely sleeping alone, make compromises when possible.

Tip #3: Negotiate your square footage needs.
Experiment with creative living conditions so your home isn’t a prison. Ask yourself, “What space arrangements are optimal?” Having an area to retreat to, even if it’s a closet? A room divider? Separate bathrooms? Separate houses? I prefer having my own bedroom/office to retreat to. I also can see the beauty of separate wings or adjacent houses, if affordable. Here’s why: Conversations, scents, coughing, and movement can feel intrusive. Even if my partner’s vibes are sublime, sometimes I’d rather not sense them even if they’re only hovering near me. I’m not just being finicky; it’s about maintaining well-being if I live with someone.

Tip #4: Travel wisely.
When traveling with someone, you may want to have separate space too. Whether my companion is romantic or not, I’ll always have adjoining rooms with my own bathroom. If sharing a room is the only option, configuring some sort of room divider will help. “Out of sight” can make the heart grow fonder.

Tip #5: Take regular mini-breaks.
Empaths require private downtime to regroup. Even a brief escape prevents emotional overload. Retreat for five minutes into the bathroom with the door shut. Take a stroll around the block. Read in a separate room. One patient told her boyfriend, “I need to disappear into a quiet room for ten minutes at a party, even if I’m having fun,” a form of self-care that he supports.

By Aly Walansky

What’s happened to today’s man?

Why are women so frustrated with today’s sensitive guys?

Why is it that when a man takes a woman out on a date — he can’t even decide where to go for a cup of coffee?

What is going on with men — that women initiate most divorces?

The reason: Today’s men don’t act like men.

In these times — men need to learn to be men

He’s sensitive and tries hard to please the woman in his life, but when there’s a problem that needs to be dealt with, he seems oblivious. When she asks for input on a decision, he says, “It’s up to you.” He wants to be nice but doesn’t understand why he’s frustrating her. He doesn’t understand she wants a strong man.

Elliott Katz understands why women today complain about the lack of quality men. “Today’s men have received so many confusing messages on what a man should be, they’re bewildered.”

“To avoid accusations of being controlling, many men have gone to the other extreme and avoid showing leadership and making decisions. The irony is that while men think they’re being sensitive and non-controlling, the biggest complaint I hear from women is that men today don’t show leadership, they don’t make decisions and they won’t take responsibility,’” says Katz, whose book Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants: Timeless wisdom on being a man is being translated into 18 languages in Asia, Europe and Latin America.

A recent study by Washington-based Pew Research Center reported that in 43 per cent of couples, women make more decisions in the four areas surveyed: planning weekend activities, household finances, major home purchases and TV watching.

After his own journey seeking insight on being a man, Katz found wise advice in the lessons that fathers and other older men taught younger men on how to be the strong women love.

Show leadership
One of women’s biggest complaints is that men don’t show their share of leadership in the relationship. When a man sees a situation that needs to be dealt with, he should step forward and handle it. People admire those who step forward to handle difficult situations – and don’t wait for others to solve the problem.

Make decisions
To avoid accusations of being controlling, a lot of men have gone to the other extreme – they leave most decisions to their wives. A man needs to make his share of decisions and take responsibility for the outcome. To many women, a man who avoids decisions is shirking his responsibilities. One of the meanings of the word “manly” is being decisive.

Take responsibility
Take responsibility for improving the situation. Don’t blame others. There is little sympathy for a man who blames a woman – even when he thinks she pushed him into it. People will say, “You’re the man. Why did you let it go on?” One of the meanings of the word “husband” is someone who skillfully manages his household. Managers take responsibility.

“Divorced women have said that if their husbands had understood these crucial truths, their marriages would not have disintegrated,” Katz says. He also shares tips for women on encouraging men to take the lead:

Let him decide
If he asks you to make a decision, such as choosing a restaurant, simply say: “You decide.” Then don’t say anything else.

“Would you please handle it?”
Ask him to take charge of handling a problem, but don’t tell him what to do. If he asks, say: “You decide. If you’re not sure, do research. That’s what I do.” Avoid contradicting him unless what he wants to do is damaging.

Encourage him
Tell him he made a good decision and how you appreciate when he takes charge and handles a problem. If he made a mistake, tell him what you learned from it.

Women give the book to men and say, “This is what I have been trying to tell you all this time.” The most common question Katz receives from women is: “How do I get him to read it?”