Posts Tagged ‘single girls’
Sunday, March 27th, 2011
By Aly Walansky
Recently, I read survey findings released by SpeedDate, that explore whether race is an issue when dating online.
It’s actually super interesting data about relationships and the mates we choose: The findings suggest that as women age (as a whole), they are less likely to entertain the idea of dating outside of their race in contrast to men who become more open as they get older.
Why do you think this may be?
Some interesting highlights:
· Overall, 53.6 percent of women prefer to date within their own ethnicity compared with 42.9 percent of men.
· By age 60, the number of women who prefer to date exclusively within their own ethnicity rises to 70 percent compared to just 38 percent of men
· Pacific Islanders were the least conservative with only 12 percent, on average, dating exclusively within their own group compared to those of Caucasians backgrounds, who at 54 percent were the most conservative.Findings conclude that while many singles are open to dating outside of their ethnicity, key demographic factors such as gender and age play a critical role. Findings conclude that overall, 53.6 percent of women prefer to date men of their own ethnicity compared with 42.9 percent of men. Also, starting at age 25, the percentage of men and women open to dating outside of their ethnicity begin to greatly differ. By age 60, 70 percent of women on SpeedDate.com prefer meeting others exclusively within their own ethnicity compared to just 38 percent of men who consider it an important factor.
In addition to differences in dating preferences between gender and age, the study also looked at individual ethnic groups ranging from Latinos, East Indian and African American among several others. Findings suggest that individuals from minority groups were far more likely to date outside of their ethnicity when compared to those from Caucasian backgrounds. Daters with Pacific Island backgrounds were the least conservative with only 12 percent, on average, dating exclusively within their own group compared to those of Caucasians backgrounds, who at 54 percent were the most conservative.
“Dating preferences, based on culture or color of skin, are considered a taboo subject yet we know it’s no secret that many still consider these to be important factors when meeting others for the first time online,” stated Simon Tisminesky, co-founder and CEO of SpeedDate.com. “What is encouraging is that our findings revealed that across the board, the younger generations were much more open to diversity and dating outside of their circle. We were happy to see this, because as this trend continues, it means online daters will have an even higher chance of meeting someone special based truly on chemistry.”
* In all categories, except for individuals of Asian decent, females were found to prefer their own ethnic group more than males.
* Asian males, at 62 percent, came in second as the least likely to date outside of their ethnic group behind Caucasian individuals as a whole.
So, how does this compare to what is going on in your life? Do you see out of us dating outside our race where you live?
Thursday, March 10th, 2011
By Aly Walansky
Research has long shown the benefits of friendship to preventative & restorative health, increased happiness and lower stress levels, but as findings are connected to longevity, baby boomers should definitely take note of the tips from Shasta noted below on how to establish or increase a circle of friends post 50 years of age.
In fact, Dr. Jacqueline Olds, a psychiatrist and prolific author says,“Aside from genetics, the two most important factors in longevity are exercise and a network of friends.” And certainly as our exercise abilities change as we age, the friendship piece could play a stronger and more significant role in the quality of our life.
As generations age, their awareness of the importance of caring for their physical and emotional health seems to intensify. The life experiences of baby-boomers now include having their own fair-share of death, divorce, loss and disappointment, which increasingly heightens the desire to have real friends, not just a social life. Both women and men recognize an amplified desire to participate in supportive friendships that include regular meaningful conversations and quality time together. Baby-boomers age they are also able to devote more consistent time to the development of friendship. Their children are no longer as time consuming to their schedules and many are trying to retire or, at least, don’t want to live for work anymore.
The flip side of that truth also presents a challenge that baby-boomers will face as they seek to foster new friendships. Kids, careers and spouses were effective ways to meet new friends in the younger days, but as our kids move out, divorces occur and we cut back on working at the office, those popular areas of commonality become less helpful in forging introductions.
Another challenge to friendships for those facing retirement, which often includes a new move closer to grandkids, to a warmer place or to a dream house, could mean leaving behind a network of local friends and starting the process all over.
Shasta Nelson, M.Div., the founder of GirlFriendCircles.com and a Life Coach for transitions identifies way to connect for why women over 50 also join GirlFriendCircles.com.
Tips for Your Post-50 Friendships
Do make new friendships reflecting your current life. It does take time to feel familiar with new friends, usually 2-3 get-togethers for about 3-6 months, sometimes up to a year. But the time is an important investment. Make sure you start connecting with others who live in your new community, who share your interests and who can journey with you for who are now.
Do stay in touch with a select few from your past. It is hugely important to have people in your life who you feel like knowyou and have witnessed significant milestones in your life. In other words, shared history matters. Be intentional to choose a few people from different phases of your life to devote energy and time to writing, calling and visiting.
Do be authentic. In the transition through retirement, many life areas that have given you your identity (career, kids, marriage) may shift. As you step into more awareness around who you are and what you are offering in a friendship, one of the gifts that comes with age is a freedom to be real. Talk about things that matter. Be authentic. Show up as you—not as so-and-so’s mom or the manager of this-and-that. Your relationships have the possibility of being richer than ever in this age!
Want some cool ideas for your next date? Check out 100s of date ideas >>
Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
By Aly Walansky
Are you trying to find new love — it’s not impossible. Here’s some tips to ease your path!
1. It’s not about who’s right or wrong, it’s about solving the problem together. If you try to win the argument, you’ll lose something more important — loving feelings.
2. With listening, caring and the willingness to change, anything in your relationship can be fixed. There’s no need to be afraid — just turn up the love.
3. It’s a partnership, silly! Stop struggling, and learn to work together. Focus on teamwork and sharing.
4. Behavior that enhances relationships with people at work, and with your friends, will probably work if you use it with your spouse. Seek to be more rational and less angry or emotional.
5. What goes around comes around, in love as well as life. If you want more of love, try giving more. It will work every time.
6. Act like the grownup you are, not a little kid. Think before you speak and focus on solutions, not problems. Give up whining, complaining and suffering, and step up to taking responsibility and loving more.
Want some cool ideas for your next date? Check out 100s of date ideas >>
Wednesday, February 16th, 2011
By Aly Walansky
Most people choose to live together because they thrive on the intimacy and security of being in close proximity to their loved one day and night. But there are some super-sensitive people, or emotional empaths, who find it difficult to be around people 24/7. They tend to intuit and absorb their partner’s energy and mood, and become overloaded, anxious, or exhausted.
These “super responders” are sometimes lonely and want a romantic relationship, but don’t know how to handle being with a partner under the same roof without feeling overwhelmed, suffocated, and engulfed.
In Dr. Judith Orloff’s practice, she’s seen emotional empaths who take a creative approach to relationships save their marriages and make ongoing intimacies feel safe, even those super-sensitive types who haven’t had a long-term partner before.
Once you’re able to articulate your needs, the right amount of closeness with your love partner is possible. If you’re an emotional empath, as I am, here are five tips from Emotional Freedom that will help you feel more at ease in a relationship.
Tip #1: Talk to your mate or potential mate about your need for space.
As you’re getting to know someone, share that you’re a sensitive person and periodically need quiet time. One boyfriend who understood my needs bought me a “Keep Out” sign to hang on my door for moments when I needed time to decompress–but didn’t know how to ask for it.
Tip #2: Clarify your preferred sleep style.
Some emotional empaths never get used to sleeping in the same bed, no matter how caring a mate. Nothing personal–they just like their own sleep space. Feeling trapped in bed with someone and not getting a good night’s rest are torture. Energy fields blend during sleep, which can overstimulate empaths. So, discuss options with your mate. Separate beds. Separate rooms. Sleeping together a few nights a week. Because non-empaths may feel lonely sleeping alone, make compromises when possible.
Tip #3: Negotiate your square footage needs.
Experiment with creative living conditions so your home isn’t a prison. Ask yourself, “What space arrangements are optimal?” Having an area to retreat to, even if it’s a closet? A room divider? Separate bathrooms? Separate houses? I prefer having my own bedroom/office to retreat to. I also can see the beauty of separate wings or adjacent houses, if affordable. Here’s why: Conversations, scents, coughing, and movement can feel intrusive. Even if my partner’s vibes are sublime, sometimes I’d rather not sense them even if they’re only hovering near me. I’m not just being finicky; it’s about maintaining well-being if I live with someone.
Tip #4: Travel wisely.
When traveling with someone, you may want to have separate space too. Whether my companion is romantic or not, I’ll always have adjoining rooms with my own bathroom. If sharing a room is the only option, configuring some sort of room divider will help. “Out of sight” can make the heart grow fonder.
Tip #5: Take regular mini-breaks.
Empaths require private downtime to regroup. Even a brief escape prevents emotional overload. Retreat for five minutes into the bathroom with the door shut. Take a stroll around the block. Read in a separate room. One patient told her boyfriend, “I need to disappear into a quiet room for ten minutes at a party, even if I’m having fun,” a form of self-care that he supports.
Friday, February 11th, 2011
By Jennifer Latkiewicz
Roses are red. Violets are blue. So what if you’re single, make V-Day about you. Show yourself a little love with these red-hot gift ideas from Kajal Ruia, shoe guru and founder of trendsetting SoHo boutique Ruia. What better way to say “I Love Me” than with luxe accessories and to-die-for high heels?
Yes, every store front and commercial may seem hell-bent on reminding you of your solo status (as if you could forget), but that doesn’t mean you have to sit this Valentine’s Day out. V-Day is as much about loving yourself as it is about boyfriends and husbands! Even if you don’t have that all important ‘significant other’ to shower you with affection, you can still make the day special for yourself.
And since you’re not going to be spending the effort or money on a date, why not spend it on yourself? Ultra-hot NYC shoe boutique Ruia knows what women want and owner Kajal Ruia has a few gift ideas for anyone being their own valentine.
How do I love me? Let me count the ways…
Single or attached, you deserve to indulge and treat yourself to some of the fabulous things you’ve always wanted, which of course, means “shoes”. For those who covet the most gorgeous designer shoes, Kajal keeps her super luxe boutique stocked with European brands that cannot be found anywhere in the U.S. Two sexy Ruia finds: ultra-fierce ‘Comoscio Rubino” booties by Baldan ($598) and neon ‘Tribeca’ wedges by Cleo B ($414) so ridiculously hot, you’ll wonder why you ever cared about flowers and “I Love You” teddy bears.
(Attached? Ruia boutique is offering guys everywhere a no-fail, stress-free option: a complimentary personalized gift cards for a sexy pair of shoes of your choice. Start dropping hints now!)
Equally fabulous: This soft suede Cowling Scarf by Hare+Hart (on sale $95) is made from ethically sourced Argentinian leather. Says Kajal, “Pair it with coats and chunky wool cardigans, or act like a rock-star with leather jackets and blazers.”
Explore other ways to keep it sexy in the bedroom this Valentine’s Day. Upgrade your Target sheets to luxury linens, and suddenly having the bed all to yourself every night may not seem like such a bad thing. Get the same sheets as all the luxury hotels — the Valentino Stripe 1200tc Egyptian Cotton Sheets by Luxor Linens ($253) would make anyone swoon. “Take it up a notch with this embroidered, red sheet set,” Kajal says. “It will be the second best thing you’ve ever felt against your skin!”
Enjoy a little pampering to make the day even more decedent, and treat yourself to a fab spa treatment at home. Amp up the luxe factor to your DIY avocado masque with a plush spa robe. Nolan loves the St. Tropez Signature Spa Robe by Luxor (on sale $126) — it actually gets softer with each wash and with a luxe robe within reach, you can kick back in your private spa retreat whenever you want. Stay calm and tranquil with a ‘Lavender Lightly ‘candle by Kat Burki. With notes of lavender, vanilla and cassia, this calming fragrance makes for a decadent and soothing aroma. “The sprinkling of lavender buds atop is the final touch on a beautiful candle,” Kajal says. “Kat Burki candles are beautiful and delicious.”
Whether you splurge or work within a budget, just make it memorable. Says Kajal, “Make this Valentine’s Day one you’ll never forget!”
So, Ladies: Will you be spending this Valentine’s Day with “Me”, “Myself” and “I”?
Jennifer Latkiewicz is a Love/Sex blogger for LovingYou.com. She really wants those shoes — and she hopes her boyfriend got the hint. You can follow her on Twitter at @JenniferLat.
Thursday, February 3rd, 2011
By Aly Walansky
What’s happened to today’s man?
Why are women so frustrated with today’s sensitive guys?
Why is it that when a man takes a woman out on a date — he can’t even decide where to go for a cup of coffee?
What is going on with men — that women initiate most divorces?
The reason: Today’s men don’t act like men.
In these times — men need to learn to be men
He’s sensitive and tries hard to please the woman in his life, but when there’s a problem that needs to be dealt with, he seems oblivious. When she asks for input on a decision, he says, “It’s up to you.” He wants to be nice but doesn’t understand why he’s frustrating her. He doesn’t understand she wants a strong man.
Elliott Katz understands why women today complain about the lack of quality men. “Today’s men have received so many confusing messages on what a man should be, they’re bewildered.”
“To avoid accusations of being controlling, many men have gone to the other extreme and avoid showing leadership and making decisions. The irony is that while men think they’re being sensitive and non-controlling, the biggest complaint I hear from women is that men today don’t show leadership, they don’t make decisions and they won’t take responsibility,’” says Katz, whose book Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants: Timeless wisdom on being a man is being translated into 18 languages in Asia, Europe and Latin America.
A recent study by Washington-based Pew Research Center reported that in 43 per cent of couples, women make more decisions in the four areas surveyed: planning weekend activities, household finances, major home purchases and TV watching.
After his own journey seeking insight on being a man, Katz found wise advice in the lessons that fathers and other older men taught younger men on how to be the strong women love.
One of women’s biggest complaints is that men don’t show their share of leadership in the relationship. When a man sees a situation that needs to be dealt with, he should step forward and handle it. People admire those who step forward to handle difficult situations – and don’t wait for others to solve the problem.
To avoid accusations of being controlling, a lot of men have gone to the other extreme – they leave most decisions to their wives. A man needs to make his share of decisions and take responsibility for the outcome. To many women, a man who avoids decisions is shirking his responsibilities. One of the meanings of the word “manly” is being decisive.
Take responsibility for improving the situation. Don’t blame others. There is little sympathy for a man who blames a woman – even when he thinks she pushed him into it. People will say, “You’re the man. Why did you let it go on?” One of the meanings of the word “husband” is someone who skillfully manages his household. Managers take responsibility.
“Divorced women have said that if their husbands had understood these crucial truths, their marriages would not have disintegrated,” Katz says. He also shares tips for women on encouraging men to take the lead:
Let him decide
If he asks you to make a decision, such as choosing a restaurant, simply say: “You decide.” Then don’t say anything else.
“Would you please handle it?”
Ask him to take charge of handling a problem, but don’t tell him what to do. If he asks, say: “You decide. If you’re not sure, do research. That’s what I do.” Avoid contradicting him unless what he wants to do is damaging.
Tell him he made a good decision and how you appreciate when he takes charge and handles a problem. If he made a mistake, tell him what you learned from it.
Women give the book to men and say, “This is what I have been trying to tell you all this time.” The most common question Katz receives from women is: “How do I get him to read it?”
Wednesday, January 26th, 2011
By Aly Walansky
Every year, Valentine’s Day is the day we are encouraged to profess our love and affection to a special someone. Whether it’s a girlfriend, husband, grandparent, or secret crush we all are asking the same question looking for (hopefully) the same result.
“Will you be my Valentine?” This phrase is often accompanied by a bouquet of red roses, some form of chocolate and if you are lucky, a kiss. However there is one sure fire way to ensure your prospective valentine will not come near you with a ten-foot pole; that is of course if you lean in for a kiss with foul smelling and unattractive bad breath!
Valentine’s Day is the most romantic day of the year. You prepare and prepare and prepare; but are you prepared enough?
Check out some tips for a Kissable Valentine’s Day”from dentist and “Bad Breath Expert,” Dr. Susanne Cohen:
1. Limit your libations. While those alcoholic beverages may lessen first date jitters or help set the mood for a romantic night, alcohol is a drying agent that can dehydrate the body and mouth. The result? Alcohol can cause or worsen bad breath on your big date and leave you with a painful headache the next day. Try to limit yourself to one drink per hour and have a glass of water between each one.
2. Pass on a protein packed meal. Carb conscious diners beware, all of that additional protein is actually food for the germs that live in our mouths. From those proteins, germs create bad breath gases…and a major turn-off for your Valentine!
3. Cut out the coffee. Everyone knows about coffee breath but what they may not know is that coffee breath is not caused by drinking coffee alone. Coffee itself smells delicious! “Coffee Breath” as we know it is the result of coffee on top of already existing bad breath. So, stay away from that mid-afternoon Starbucks and stick to water.
4. Go lightly on the Godiva. While chocolates do have some benefits – they give you an immediate blood sugar boost and dark chocolate contains tryptophan which triggers the release of serotonin, a natural anti-depressant – you need to be careful not to overindulge. After about an hour, the germs that cause bad breath will begin to increase, putting you at risk for a less-than-fresh farewell kiss.
5. Watch out when you wake up! Everyone wakes up with morning breath every day. The morning after swooning over your sweetheart is no exception. Especially if you over indulged in the above-mentioned bad breath foes. Try discreetly making your way to the restroom before you roll over to say good morning…
Sunday, January 16th, 2011
By Aly Walansky
As in, GPS = Guy Picker System.
Take this simple quiz to test the health of your GPS, says Dawn Maslar, author of From Heartbreak to Heart’s Desire Developing a Heathy GPS.
Answer “Yes” or “No” to these questions:
1. I’ve had lots of relationships, but none have worked out yet. I just haven’t found the right guy.
2. I fall in love quickly, get all crazy-feeling and can’t think straight.
3. I’m always attracted to confidant, sexy, well-built men.
4. I love a man who will provide me with warmth, comfort, and protection.
5. I pride myself on being able to find the soft, sweet loving man inside the hard exterior of the sexy scoundrel.
6. There are lots of men out there who are flawed, but who have GREAT potential. If I can work with a guy like this, I know I can transform him.
7. I am looking for just the right guy who will “complete” me.
8. I know that I’ll know my “Mr. Right” when I find him.
9. I can’t name the exact traits I’m looking for in a guy.
10. My last few relationships all ended badly.
* If you answered “Yes” to 5 or more of these questions, your GPS is broken.
* If you answered “Yes” to 3-5 of these questions, your GPS could use a tune-up.
* If you answered “Yes” to 1 or 2 of these questions, your GPS is in good shape.
* If you answered “No” to all these questions, you have a great GPS and probably give great relationship advice to all your friends.
Are you one of us women who gets her heart broken over and over again, unlike someBuy the Book others who seem to know how to attain their hearts’ desires? Have you ever been told that you’ve got “a broken picker”? If so, take heart—your broken picker is what keeps you choosing the partners most likely to break your heart; but healing your broken picker can be done! Learn from your history — and make smarter choices in the future! (I’m already learning from this book, I swear it.)
Friday, January 14th, 2011
by Stephanie G.
My freshman year of college was no emotional picnic. I was living away from my parents for the first time, my friends were scattered across the country, and as far as dating goes… well, there was a lot of competition. I was actually celibate that entire year– whether that was by choice or not, I honestly can’t recall. But it happened.
To get to the point, sex took a backseat as I tried to rebuild my entire social life. So when I read in the New York Times that college students prefer an ego boost to sex (and pizza), I thought to myself, “yeah. duh.” Everyone typecasts high school as the awkward years of an adolescent’s life, and since puberty typically takes place in that window of time, I understand the stereotype. But college removes you (abruptly so) from your comfort zone, it diminishes everything you understood to be true of your existence. So yeah, a tiny ego boost goes a long way.
But then the article goes on to explain that our generation is a bunch of egomaniacs; that our desire for that ego boost will lead to our demise at work and in personal relationships. In other words, the “me generation” is narcissistic and unapologetic.
I understand that approaching life as a narcissist could be damaging in terms of self-entitlement. A false sense of “I deserve this, so give me” is dangerous. But if self-esteem is absent, if the ego-boost isn’t happening, what does the college student rely on to emulate it? Something they can control. Something like sex, or food.
Is chasing tail more commendable than working for praise?
Stephanie is a NYC lifer who enjoys new-age dating, sharp-dressed men, and occasionally acting as big spoon. Follow her on Twitter!
Thursday, January 13th, 2011
By Aly Walansky
With Valentine’s Day coming in the not-so-distant future, many recession-strapped Valentines are wondering what they can do for their sweetie this year. Especially since fancy dinners at five-star restaurants, bouquets of flowers and treating your Valentine to a day of pampering at spa aren’t exactly in a lot of people’s budgets these days.
Still, according to love expert Paul A. Falzone, CEO of eLove–one of the world’s largest online dating and matchmaking services–just because times might be tough, it doesn’t mean romance must suffer.
“Valentine’s Day is about love and romance. Somehow that got twisted into how much you spend. Nothing could be further from the truth. It’s truly the thought that counts. And if the economy has made people stop and really put some thought into the little things they can do for that special someone in their life on Valentine’s Day, they’re going to be pleasantly surprised both with how little it costs and the results,” says Falzone.
Here are some budget-friendly, thoughtful gestures you might want to try this Valentine’s Day:
● Leave a “racy” picture on your mate’s cell phone.
● Text a romantic message at a time of day when you know things get rather hectic and your sweetie could use a pick-me-up.
● Leave a chocolate or single rose on your Valentine’s pillow.
● Use a bar of soap to draft a love note on your bathroom mirror.
● Eat in for Valentine’s day with candles providing the only light. Better yet, spread out a blanket and have your meal as a picnic on the living room floor—even better if you have a fireplace.
● Instead of a day at the spa, take turns giving each other back rubs.
● Have a glass of your loved one’s favorite drink ready and waiting for them when they get home. If your loved one likes beer or wine, serve it in a frosted glass—unless they prefer it warm.
● Celebrate Valentine’s Day on February 13 or 15 to make it “your holiday” and not one shared with the rest of the world.
● Pick one household chore your Valentine usually does and surprise them by doing it before they get a chance to (e.g. making the bed). It may not sound romantic, but the thought will most certainly count.
“You know, you keep hearing about the doom and gloom of today’s economy, but it actually presents a lot of opportunities. One is to show the person you love how much by using your imagination and not your checkbook. And that, my friends, is the secret to making Valentine’s Day one he or she will always remember,” said Falzone.